


His Words Aren't True

by Mumintrollet



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Brotherly Love, Half-AU, M/M, Mental Health Issues, big brother vegard, brofeels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-23 22:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8346160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mumintrollet/pseuds/Mumintrollet
Summary: Bård is in love with Calle and Calle is in love with Bård, but Bård is struggling with mental issues and doesn't dare to love again. Vegard is there and supports his little brother, comfort him when he's crying and tries his best to make his brother feel better. Half-AU: Vegard is married, have three kids (change names and ages), Bård lives alone and Calle lives with his dog, (a Dalmatian)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: now when I look back at this work - I overdone it quite a lot... I cringe a bit when I think about it, but for some reason I choose to not delete it.
> 
> \---
> 
> I know it's a lot of "talking" - it becomes better when it comes to the stream-of-consciousness-thing, later. 
> 
> Sorry for my English, mistakes and so on, my bad - hope you can bare with it. ;) ✩

“Bård? The Earth is calling for Bård”, the voice takes him back to the reality and he looks up at his brother and their co-worker with a little apologetic and innocent smile.

“Eh… Sorry, I think I missed what you just said...?”

“What do you think about that Ellen said? Should we go for that, or do you think it'll work better if we try the first alternative?”

“I think…”, Bård starts, but can’t remember hearing neither of the alternatives so he pretends to think a few more seconds before answering, “I think Ellen’s idea is the best.”

“How are you doing today? You sitting there, smiling and seem to not listen to us.”, Vegard smiles amused and changes the subject. He had hoped that Vegard shouldn't notice it, maybe that's to be too naive but at least had he hoped that he shouldn't start to talk about it now when they aren't alone.

“Eh, what? Fine, I guess, it’s Friday tomorrow.”

“Everyone have noticed it. The way you look at him, the way you blush every time someone just says his name, or when you have to talk about him, or even worse when _you_ have to talk to him.” 

“But look at this-”, he says and pointing at his laptop screen with a lot of enthusiasm, in a desperate try to switch back to talk about work again. 

“Do you know what he thinks about you then?”, Vegard continues.

“Sorry, I’m a bit lost, I don’t get what you’re talking about, who?”, he says and tries to look confused without over-acting.

“Bård… We decided to work with revue and cabaret because we knew we aren't 100% best at anything special, and you Bård is absolutely not a 100% good actor… Sorry for saying it out loud.”

“What are you talking about?! I’m the best actor in the world! If you dare to say anything else, I'll bet you up.”, he says and hopes this is the way out of the very uncomfortable subject. But it doesn't seem to work, Vegard just continues with a bigger smile on his lips than before. _Please, Vegard, can you just understand and that I don’t want to talk about it?_

“Calle. I don’t know what happened in London, but I’m quite sure it was _when_ it happened. You have to agree-”, he a looks at Ellen instead, “You see it too, agree with me everyone sees it, everyone except from those two.”

“Yeah-”, she answers and smiles “It’s very cute, but it also kind of sad, I mean what a cute couple they could be!”

“My brother and my best friend, I would love it!”

Bård feels how he blushes all over the face, but tries to play cool, tries to ignore it. But just hearing the name makes his heart beat faster than normally. _Calle, Calle, Calle. Carl Fredrik. Carl Fredrik Hellevang-Larsen_. He thinks about London. It’s twelve days since they returned from London - twelve days since the kiss. He remembers talking to Calle in hours, God knows how many. The last night in London, they went out for a drink or two. Vegard went back to the hotel after one drink, saying he was feeling sleepy and having the thought of the early flight they had to catch the next morning, in the back of his head. He doesn’t know how many drinks he drank, probably a few more than he should've, if he can't remember how many. They talked in hours, he can’t recall what they talked about, but he knows it was funny, remember laughing a lot. But the thing he remembers crystal clear is the kiss. London night, stars in the sky, the sound for the taxi they had sat in driving away, the street lights, just him and Calle on the street. He had looked into his blue eyes and then just kissed him, and Calle followed. It was amazing. Calle’s lips against his lips. Calle’s arm around his waist. Bård's hand running through Calle’s soft and fluffy hair. Everything was perfect there and then. Everything else was forgotten, it was just them two having their moment of their life. That was at least what Bård had felt. 

“Bård, Earth is calling again!”. Vegard is waving his hand in front of his face and shouting his name over and over again. “Now you’re not listening again, are you there?”

“I’m here… just… sorry…”

“Oh I remember, now when we’re talking about Calle, I really have to talk to him about his minute, give me a one second, if you excuse me.”, she says and rises up from the chair.

“I also have to, can you get him in here?”, Vegard suddenly says when Ellen is in the doorway, about to leave the room.  

“Absolutely.”

Bård just looks at him, with a look that says _Why?_   so Vegard gets up, closes the door after her, thinking for a second and then also locks it. 

“It’s not that I want you to get embarrassed or so, but I want to encourage you to take the first step. Again, I don’t know what you guys did, I don’t know if I want to know either, but since then you’ve been acting like you’re fourteen, both of you do. And as Ellen said, it’s kind of sad that you don’t seem to see it.”

Bård can’t look into his brother's eyes, just staring down at the table in silent.

“He really, really like you, and I can see that you do that too, so why just don’t give it a try?”

"Why am I the only one that doesn't see it?"

"That's the question I ask myself every time I see you at the office.", he responds with a smile. "But why don't give it a try, what can go wrong?" 

“It’s not that easy and you know why… I don’t dare it, not again…”, he says the last line very quiet.

 “You do, with Calle.”, Vegard sits down on his chair and puts a hand on Bård’s shoulder.

 “No… what if he also-”

 “He will never do something like what Morten did to you, and if, I say **if** it happens I stop it long before it raises over the top. But it will never happen-”, someone tries to open the door and then knocks on it “Just give us a few seconds please.”

“I don’t dare it…”, he whispers.

“But come on Bård, he likes you more than your stage-personality likes himself, I promise you, it’ll be perfect.”, he hugs him tight when he sees the scared expression in his innocent baby face.

Bård backs out from his hug and quit the discussion when he gets up to unlock the door. For a second they look into each other's eyes and Bård can only think about the kiss again. Misses it so much, the only thing he wants right now is to embrace Calle, feel his warm body against his own. No, the biggest wish right now is that _Calle_ should embrace _him_.

“Bård, I guess you can come and sit down again.”, Calle smiles and Bård realises he’s still standing in front of the door, just staring.

“Oh, I just… thought about something…”

After just sitting at the table and trying to listen to what the others says, but fail and feels their irritation he excuses himself for the restroom. 

\---

Vegard stairs at the clock on the wall one more time, just two minutes have passed since the last time.

“What happened to Bård, he’s been away for, I don’t know, a good half an hour now.”, Calle says and takes a look at the clock. 

_37 minutes, wait 13 more._

When the 13 minutes also have passed he also excuses himself to check what happened to his brother. The first place he checks is Bård’s office. It’s empty, but he notices that all his things are laying all over the floor and the desk. _What?_ He walks to the kitchen area and asks if someone has seen him, but all the answers he receives is _“No, haven’t seen him since an hour or so.”_ The last place to check is the restrooms, so he walks downstairs and listing after any sound. One of the three doors is closed and he thinks he does hear a small sob.

“Bård? Are you there?” 

_No really answer, just one more little sob._  

“Bård, it wasn’t my plan to make you feel like this… Please open the door, let us talk about it.” 

_Silent_

“Please open. I'm really sorry for being like that...”

_Silent_  

“OK, then I open it.” 

He picks up his keychain, chooses the thinnest one and easy unlocks the door from the outside. Slowly he opens the door and waits for some type of reaction. The door fully open, Bård is standing in front of the mirror and staring into his own face and Vegard sees that he have tears and a very death expression in his eyes. Vegard’s glance walks downward and he stops breathing for a few seconds when he sees that Bård has folded up his shirt-sleeve, and his right hand is shaking and is holding a razor blade.

“Please, give that to me.”, he doesn't get any reaction now either, but nor any resistance when he gently picks the thing out of his hand and places it on the sink with a little clink. _Fuck, not this again..._ “Bård, please look at me. It wasn't my intention to get you think of Morten, not at all,” Vegard takes his face in his hand and turn it so he can face his brother for real, and not through the mirror. "I wanted to give you the courage to take the first step and get you to talk to him about what you're feeling."

“Bård is the one who failed it, everything-” Bård starts to talk and he's doing it in third person and just looks somewhere above Vegard’s head.

“Stop talk about yourself in that way, you know you're not!”

“Vegard has a lot of friends and makes new every day, has a beautiful wife and he gave mum and dad grandchildren. He is so talented, Bård really understands why everyone loves him. He has a pilot license and mum and dad are proud of him. Very proud-”

“I’m here, in front of you”, he tries to get some contact or some reaction by shaking his brother a bit, but Bård not seems to be there at all, it seems like he isn't seeing Vegard at all. 

“They are very proud of him. They are very happy for the kids, and they hate me for not giving them that. Hate me for not being normal and not being like everyone else. And Bjarte has a real job, lives in the US, makes money over there. He does not have any kids, but he is young, very young and he has a lot of time, and he has the chance, because he has a girlfriend. Which make mum and dad very proud. A girlfriend as you should have... A girlfriend, not like Bård... They love him and Vegard more than anything else. But Bård is just a loser, the one who failed everything and who is a shame for the whole family. Just worthless and that is why Calle does not want him.” 

“You know that's not true! Mum and dad love you as much as they love me and Bjarte, and they're very proud of you, do never think anything else than that. You have a lot of time to find the right one for you.”, Vegard tries to stop him in his monologue, tries to say his name again and get some contact with him. Over and over again but Bård's just standing still. So he makes Bård sits down on the toilet and kneeling down in front of him. 

“No one can love me for real.”, Bård whispers and for the first time he looks into Vegard's eyes, and Vegard can't decide if that's maybe scarier than Bård saying things like that and not really being there.

“I’ve heard you say that too many times by now and it’s not true. You have to stop repeat it because those words aren't about _you_ , it’s about him. Look at me Bård, because you have to trust me, it’s not your words, it’s his words and they weren't and aren't true.”

He hugs him and tries to comfort what he now can comfort. Hugs him and rubs soft circles on his back until he feels that his brother relaxes in his arms.

“Can I come to your place and be there tonight?” he whispers and quickly add “I promise to act normal when I meet the kids.”

“You’re very welcome home to us.”, he answers with a feeling of relief, knowing he doesn’t have to force Bård home to them, against his willing. “Let’s go now, I think you need some sleep.”

“But what time is it?” 

“15.13”, he says and puts his phone back into his pocket.

“But we can’t go now… go three o’clock on a Thursday…? We have a lot of work to do.”

“It’s our company, we can do what we want to, you know-”, Vegard says with a smile. “And the other stuff, we can take it tomorrow, or on Monday.” 

Vegard takes the razor, put it into a tissue and trash it. And as if Bård was a child, Vegard helps him to unfold his sleeve and with a hand on his back, they walk out of the toilet area and back towards to Bård’s office. Someone meet Vegard’s glance with a questioning and curious expression but Vegard just shakes his head, like in a silent _Please don’t ask_.

Vegard also helps Bård with his jacket and then asks him to wait for him, when he'll collect his things and their laptops in the meeting room. 

“You stay here or you make your way down to the car now?” 

_Just a nod from Bård._

“Do you mean you stay here or walk before me?”

_Bård nods again..._

“You stay here and then we walk down together?”

_One more nod._

“Good.”

He walks into the meeting room where Calle and Ellen are sitting in still and hears Calle starts to say something in a joking tone but cuts it off in the middle of the sentence when their glance meet.

“Bård and I go for today” he just says and picks up his laptop and places it in his bag.

“Is it a reason that is good for us to know?”, Ellen asks with a bit concern in her voice.

“Bård isn't doing very well… so if any problems or so pops up, call me.”

“I think he looked alright before he went out…"

Vegard doesn't really know what to say, in some way he just wants to explain everything he knows to Calle, give him the chance to take the first step instead. But he knows better than to do that, so he just answers, “I think he prefers that I'm the only one who knows, but we're back tomorrow. I'm back at least, and I think he’s as well. See you.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Vegard stops the car outside of the block of where Bård has his apartment and pokes at him with his index to make him wake up. Bård is a light sleeper and has always been, he can fall asleep just by closing his eyes in five seconds or so, but in the other hand he wakes up by just a light touch or any sound that's higher than a normal voice. He pokes him in the side a few more times and waits for a reaction.

“Didn't you said I could stay at your place tonight?”, he says confused and he looks both a bit sad and scared.

“Of course, but I just thought we could stop here and we could leave your stuff and you could get maybe a pair of clothes and your toiletries.”, he says and gives him a smile to make him relax a bit.

They take the elevator to the fifth floor and Bård picks up his keys and opens the door. Not as a surprise to Vegard, everything in the little apartment is a mess. Things all over the floor, a lot of clothes, golf-stuffs, old pizza boxes, and some empty bottles of both wine and soda. Vegard could never live like this, it would drive home crazy to just live in a home that looked like this, in an hour or two. He had been lucky with Helene, she was the same type as he. Everything has to be perfectly clean and everything shall have its own place.

“Bård, how can you even live like this?! And why the hell are all this stuffs on the floor in your hall?”, he points at a magazine, a t-shirt, a charger to his phone and some undefinable things.

“It's much easier than you can think-”, he says and shows it by just dropping his jacket and the keys on the floor where he is standing, kick off his shoes and the just walks in.”Just like that, you pick up a thing and you use it until you don't need it anymore and then you just drop it.”

“Okay…? So how did that pillow end up on your kitchen floor?”

“I don't know, guess I was tired when I cooked?”

"Of course, what else? Go and find what you need now.", he answers with a small laugh.

He takes off his shoes and walks to the fridge to maybe find something to eat when he is waiting for Bård to get ready to get going again. He opens the fridge but it's almost empty, only some bottles of Pepsi, a chocolate bar and some fruits.

"Bård, you don't have any food, that's why you want to come to us tonight?", he calls jokingly to his brother.

"Maybe...? Yes, I'm too lazy to cook."

Vegard takes an apple and walks out to the living room and the couch and tries to sit down, up on all stuffs that's lying there. He takes a bit of the apple and looks around in the room, and feels that he have to clean up at least some of the things. Sitting in this mess makes him feel a bit angsty. The first thing he does is to fold two blankets, and put it on the armrest, then he throws away all the empty bottles and boxes. When he starts to clean off the table he hears Bård, speaking in a whole new tone that before.

“Is it OK with you if I just take a fast shower?”

Bård comes out if his bedroom with a pair of clothes in his hand, hasting to the bathroom, and Vegard follows him.

“Now? Can't it just waits a few hours?”

“No, now.”

“But Helene wished we should come home as fast as possible, she wanted I should help her with the food.”

“You can go now, I can come after you in my car when I'm done here.”

 _When I'm done here_ , he thinks, almost sure that he knows what Bård is going to do.

“Why can't you take it later today, at my place?”

“No, now, and you don't have to wait for me, you can just go.”, he says and Vegard can hear a small irritation in his voice.

“But I don't want to leave you right now.”

“Your wife wanted you to come home, you want to go home and help her, I want you to leave me alone, but you don't want to leave?”

“Bård I can read you like an open book, and I have a bad feeling about leaving you alone right now.”

“But what if your ‘feeling’ is wrong? If I ask you to go, leave _my_ apartment, why can't you just do that?!”, he raises his voice.

“Bård please look into my eyes”, Vegard says and touches his hand, but something with the shirt in his hands seem to be very, very interesting. “No, I don't want to leave you in this condition when I know what you're going to do after I've left, that knowledge hurt me too much.”

“Your selfish fucking being, it hurts  _you_!? I don't want you here anymore, leave me alone and I'm not coming to you tonight! I don't want your disgusting food or fucking company!”, he screams and pointing throws the door.

“Bård, I under-”, he starts but interrupts.

“No, you don't! Don't talk about understanding, because you can't understand how it is! You've got a perfect life and everyone loves you, you don't know how anything in my life is, and you can't know what hurt feel like! You don't-”

“I didn't m-”

“Shut up or you leave now! You don't know about the emptiness and how much it hurts inside when you can think ‘maybe it feels better if I take this knife and cut my own wrist’ and you realise it feels better and you have to do it again and again, do you know how it feels? No!”

Bård continues to scream and Vegard is out of words, wants to say something, so desperately wants to help his brother, but doesn't know how. He opens his arms, opens up for a hug, but Bård back off, still screaming, Vegard stands in silent. 

“I'm the younger one, and you're my big brother, how could you let it end up like this?”, he now says with a lower voice on the edge of crying.

 _He's right, it's all my fault, why didn't I stopped it earlier?_ But it hasn't been that easy, the whole thing was complicated. He remembers when he first met Morten, and he hated how he treated Bård. The way he talked to him, that made him looked down on the floor and then do exactly what he had been asked to. And a few more weeks and meetings went by, and that strange and bad feeling stayed with him. He hadn't liked how small and scared Bård was in his company. He decided to talk and ask Bård about it if everything was alright between them, but it ended up pretty much like this had had. Bård was screaming and yelling at him and accused him of being homophobic. So after that, he didn't really dare to ask again and he denied every bad sign, thinking that he maybe subconsciously, was a bit homophobic and that should be the reason to why he saw all those "bad signs".

\---

Bård can feel his heartbeat slow down, go back to more normal pulse and the feeling of aggression starts to fade away and being replaced by sadness and self-contempt. He takes a step backwards towards the wall so he can lead against it. He drops the clothes on the floor and also throws his shirt off and start to scratch his nails against his arms, fast and hard, back and forth. He feels the pain and sees the blood, and in that strange way, he can't explain why and how, but seeing and feeling it makes it easier to breathe. It doesn't hurt that much inside him when he feels the physical pain. After a few seconds, Vegard is in front of him and takes a hard grip around his arms, separates them away from each other, and Bård doesn't have the energy to do anything against it.

His brother looks at him with big brown eyes and when their glances meet, Bård can't hold back his tears. Scared of how Vegard is going to retract he leans his forehead against Vegard's shoulder. It wouldn't be a surprise to him if Vegard pushed him away, just a moment before he had screamed at him, called him obnoxious things. But Vegard hugs him back and strokes his back. _Why did it end up like this?_ Because of him, of course, but Vegard was also so… so… He doesn't really know, so overprotective in some way, and sometimes such a double standard:er. Vegard wants to help him, he knows that, by every time Vegard does it, he does it wrong. But on the other side, Vegard is the only one who cares, the only one who protects him.

“ _Føkk…_ How did this happened…? I really, really don't want to fight with _you,_ I don't want you to hate me…”

“It's okay, I'm not hating you.”

“It's NOT, I called you awful things! And I don't know why… Can you please forgive me? I really hope you know that I didn't mean it. You know I don't use words like that… And I'm so, so, so sorry for calling you the baddest brother in the world… You're the best… the only one who really care about me, the only one who would miss me if I took my own life...”, tears streaming down his cheeks, even if he does his best to stop it and wipe it away.

“Please don't talk like that.”, he hugs him tighter to his chest, “And I know you didn't mean those things you said, I know it's not your fault…”

“It's my fault, I stayed with him… even if you've side he was bad for me…”

“Maybe you stayed, but I really hope and wish you get that it wasn't your fault or your responsibility how he treated you.”, Vegard takes a step back and looks into his eyes and tries to convince and ensure him about that, but Bård already knows the truths so Bård doesn't answer. He knows it was his fault, everything, and he knows why Morten treated him in the way did. He did it because of Bård, because he didn't lived up to Morten's expectations. Everything was his fault, everything.

“We will fix this, I will help you, right? Promise me to not do anything stupid against yourself?”

"It's not that easy.”

“You can make it, you're best and I help you on the way. Let's go home to me now.”

They leave the apartment in silent, Vegard’s arm around his brother's back and his hand on his shoulder. Both have forgotten about the reason to the stop at Bård's place.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say thank you so much for reading, using your time on this crap.  
> Thanks!☆
> 
> Still apologise for my English, (prepositions... Even hard when it comes to my first language).

Three kids in an age between 4 and 12, are running out to the hallway to hug their daddy and welcome him home. Bård looks at the whole scene, wishes he could have the same. A big family had always been the big dream. When he realised that his chances to get a family not really exist, he had been crying every night in a whole month. But Vegard had been there, as he always was, told him it almost was 2000, and the day Bård would be ready for kids, the technology would have come so far that it would be easy to fix. His brother is the best person in the whole world, so it’s a mystery for Bård how much he can hate him sometimes.

"You’re already home, long before the dinner?"

"I am, and look who I have with me, _Onkel Bård_!"

The four years old girl, who's name is Maja, cheering and runs into his arms. "I've missed you!", she says and he feels the warmness inside his heart.  
  
"I've missed you too!”, he hugs her and smile. It’s something special with this little girl. Of course, he loves all Vegard’s three kids, but it’s something really special with Maja.

He says hi to Emil and Sara, hugs them too, and then they walk to the kitchen. It smells wonderful and when Bård looks around, it’s food everywhere. Helene walks towards her husband, hugs him and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi my Love, how was your day?”, she says and Bård feels the sting of envious again. Three perfect children, a perfect home, _Norges vakreste hjem 2010_ , and a perfect wife. He knows he should be thankful for just come and visit them for a night.

“And hi Bård! Sorry, but you look awful… How are you doing, are you okay?”, she says with concerned in her voice when she hugs him.

“I’m always feeling so welcome when I come to you.”, he jokes before he asks her seriously if it’s really alright that he stays, as Vegard said when they sat in the car. He absolutely doesn't want to be a burden for them, but she answers him with a big smile.

“Of course, you're more than welcome, especially today. Just take a look, I think we have food for months.”, he takes a closer look around the kitchen. Lasagne, some kind of soup, pancakes, and two different stews.

“And dish to do for weeks?”, he laughs, “Need a hand, can I help you with anything?”

“No, no, we fix it, you’re our guest.”

“And maybe you need some sleep Bård?”

“I slept in the car, I’m feeling _tipp topp_!”, he tries to smile with his whole face, maybe he fails.

“You look tired, come, I need to talk with Helene anyway.”, Vegard says and walks him towards the guest bedroom. He wants to ask about what, if he is going to talk about him, but doesn't do it. When he sits down on the bed, he feels the tiredness again so he lays down and closes his eyes. Almost before Vegard has got him a blanket, he has fallen asleep.  
  
\---

The next time he wakes up, his heart is beating too fast. One more of those dreams, who had come back since the last twelve days. Everything was quite fine in around two months before the kiss had happened, but that had started something in him again. Or not really the kiss, more what happened the day after it, or Calle’s behaviour the day after it. Morten was right; _“No one can ever love you for real.”_ Morten had _said_ it and Calle had _showed_ it. Everything he had said was true and it scared him to death every night. Every sleepless night has he thought about it if it was right to leave. The rational side of him says it was a good move, but the angst isn't rational.

Morten was so special, he was like good cup and bad cup in one. A person you loved even more every time he change to good cup. When he brought Bård flowers and made dinner, apologised for everything he had did, and said it would never happen again. And every time, every fucking time, had he believed it. When he made them dinner, hugged and kissed him soft, not forced him to sex and instead just hugged and hold his hand when they went to bed. And the morning after waked him with warm chocolate and bread from the bakery. He used to be so nice to him until after the breakfast, and he told Bård to wash up. Of course, Bård was alright with that, Morten had got them breakfast, then Bård could take the wash, but the problem was that he always managed to do it wrong and Morten become disappointed and he was back to be bad cup again. He used to hit him then, and a few times he had hit one of the plates in Bård’s head so it started to bleed, and then just left the room. The few who knew, they told him it was necessarily for him to leave - and during daytime Bård had to agree that that maybe was the best decision, but every night since the kiss, Bård has become more uncertain if it was right. He was afraid of him sometimes, but his company was at least better than be alone.

A knock on the door snaps him back to the reality and he looks towards it as it opens slowly. The little girl looks at him a bit insecure before she walks closer to the bed. “ _Hei Onkel Bård_ …”, she jumps up on the bed and sits down beside him.

“Hi Maja.”, he answers and tries to smile to her.

“Daddy said you are sad… And that’s why you’re here.”, she says and looks at him a bit concerned. “Why are you sad?”

Bård doesn't know what to say, in the first place it’s just hard to put words on all the feelings and then in the second place, how can he communicate it to a kid who’s four-years-old. “It’s a bit hard to explain, something happened and that made me start to think of another person who wasn’t so kind to me…”, he says eventually.

“What happened with that person?”, she asks and tilts her head to the left side.

“Uhm… It was a boy-”, a boy, what a word… “I really liked him but he didn’t… He didn't like me, so he hit me… I loved him, but he called me things...”, he doesn't know what to say more.

“Why was he so mean to you?”, she says with sad eyes. Yeah, maybe that’s the right word, _mean_ , but he was kind to him, sometimes and when he was, he was fantastic.

“I don’t know… He was just…”, he knows that what Morten did everything he did because of _him_ , he wasn't satisfied with him and what he had did, but he didn’t understand why everything he did was so wrong. He wasn't the best, but he did what Morten told him to do. He did everything, everything and tried his best.

“Poor Onkel Bård…”, she says and strokes his cheek. “But look what I made for you, to make you happy again!”, she holds a paper towards him. He looks at it, it’s a draw of six people or more like six stickmen in six different sizes. She’s pointing at every man, the yellow one should be Vegard, the pink one Helene, he is blue, and all the kids are green. “Look, you’re blue and I’m the little one beside you, and look we’re holding hands!”, she says excited and with a big smile on her lips.

“What a beautiful draw! Are you sure you want to give it to me?”, he also smiles. The draw isn’t that beautiful but it’s the gesture, even if it should be Vegard or Helene who has told her to do it for him.

“If it makes you happier!”

He takes a closer look, looks at the two who is holding hand and smiles. “Thank you, I really love it!”, he hugs her and she hugs back.

“I can give you an advice-”, she starts when she climbs beside him and put the blanket over her legs. “I was in love with a boy in my kindergarten so I made a red heart and gave it to him, but he said the heart was ugly so I took it back and gave it to another cute boy. A boy who was kind and gave me a hug. You should just find another one who’s kind to you.”

“Good idea, I will try.”, he says and wishes it was that easy, as it is in her world. Just find a new one. He wants to, but doesn't dare to risk anything again, even if he know who the kind one could be. Or more like wished who it should be. “Can’t you tell me something that happened to you today?”, he asks before he starts to think about all the other things.

\---

“Vegard, tell them it’s dinner time - Don’t whistle and yell ‘DINNER!’, please.”

“Stop teasing me about that, it happened once and unfortunately, it was a camera there.”

Vegard finds his oldest kids together in Sara’s room, staring into an iPad and probably something on youtube. He can’t help thinking about him and Bård together like that, watching Monty Python.

“It’s dinner now, pancakes and chicken soup.”

“We’re coming!”, they both say in unison, but still looking down at the iPad.

“I mean now.”

"Yes, we’re coming!”

He leaves the room and instead opens the door with the colourful letters who says _Maja_ , but when he sees it’s empty he sighs. _I told her to not disturb him._ When walks closer to the guest room he can hear two voices, and has to sigh again but the irritation disappear directly when he opens the door and sees how Bård smiles. A real smile, he even smiles with his eyes, and Vegard realises that he hasn’t seen that kind of smile on his brother's face for weeks.

“Maja, didn’t I told you to let Bård sleep?”

Maja looks at him with a shy smile and tells him that she didn’t wake him up because he was already awake when she decide to take a look in the guest room. Then she nods a bit nervously and insecure when he asks her if she asked Bård if it was ok for him if she stayed.

“I think I did?”, she looks at Bård.

“You always welcome.”, he says, his whole face still smiling.

He tells her that it’s time for dinner and the little girl jumps up from the bed and runs out of the room, but before she is out of the room she says “ _Onkel Bård_ shall sit beside me!”

“I’m sorry, I told her to not disturb you, but it seems like she didn’t bother you too much?”

“Did you encouraged her to draw this?”, he asks and shows him a paper.

“No, her own idea.”

Bård doesn’t say anything in a few seconds, just looks at him. “Are you sure I can get all this one day?”

“Of course. You just have to wait for your Mr Right, you’ll find him, try to don’t worry.”, he says and tries to smile reassuring.

“Why haven't you let me babysit her?”, he suddenly says and when Vegard thinks of it, it’s a good and legit question. Wasn’t it a bit strange that Bård only a few, few times had babysat his kids? Bård loves kids, and has always done that. As long as he can remember, own kids has been his life dream.

“Do you want to?”, he asks when he doesn't come up with anything else to say.

“Of course, I thought you knew…”, he says with a sad expression.

“I guess that’s because when Helene and I need someone to babysit them, it’s because of an event that we’re both invited to. But if you still want that, you’re more than welcome!”

“I want to.”

“Then I’ll talk to Helene. Win/win for us all.”, he smiles to him again and then adds “Maybe mostly for Maja who likes you so much.”


	4. Chapter 4

Vegard’s lying in his bed, having his wife beside him. She’s sleeping and he listens to her breath and it makes him calmer, but he can’t sleep. He thinks of Bård and the fact that he had called his brother a bad actor earlier today. Bård has to be the best actor in the world, or Vegard has to be the worst brother in the world, who hadn’t seen how bad his mental condition was. He had thought that the worst days was over by now, (or maybe that was more like a pipe dream).

They had eaten a wonderful meal and Bård had been happy, smiling and talking to Maja and had played with her plastic horses with her until she was supposed to go to bed. Bård had on his own initiative read a fairytale for her until she fell asleep. Then he had joined the rest of the Ylvisåker/Helgesen-family on the sofa in front of the TV. He was happy when all his thoughts had been distracted by Maja. He loved to see his brother like that.

Their older kids should go to bed and Helene saw Bård’s need to talk to his brother, so they went to the guest room, and she left them there with a plate with cinema buns. First silent, then had he started to open his heart. Bård told him about the kiss in London and all the feelings. He had got the real reason to why Bård had wanted to change place on the plane, back to Norway. He had said he felt sick and wanted to have closer to the toilet, but the real reason was the awkward feeling between him and Calle. The awkward atmosphere that had developed when Bård tried to take his hand but Calle hadn’t respond, just stared outside the window.

He turns around and tries to lay on his stomach, he closes his eyes but the only thing he can see is Bård crying, at the same time as himself tried to tell him that Morten’s word wasn’t true. He tries to lay on his side, back, on his side again, and when he spun around so much that Helene starts to move beside him, he decides to get up and drink some water. 

On his way to the kitchen, he feels he has to take a check on Bård, and when opens the door he hears his brother crying again. He walks into the room and turns on the bed lamp, and in the soft light, he sees that he is crying and whimpering in his sleep. He gently shakes his brother to wake him up from what he guesses is a nightmare.

“Did you dreamed about Morten?”, he asks with a soft voice when Bård’s a bit more awake and is sitting up with his back against the pillows. As a little surprise, Bård shakes his head. “Do you want to tell me?”

“I… We were in a church… It was perfect until the priest should ask Calle, and he started to laugh, and everything was, of course, a prank… You were there, laughing hard and filming…”, he says slowly.

Vegard doesn’t really know how to react, he tells him that it just was a dream, and something like that would never happen, but Bård seems not to listen to him.

“We have to change sidekick, Vegard.”, Bård says all of a sudden. “He’s a reminder... “, he places his arms on the duvet, so Vegard can see all the scars. “After the kiss. I felt happy in two months and twelve days, or I didn’t do it in 73 days, I didn’t cry myself to sleep, I ate, I lived, until that fucking kiss. We have to find someone new.”

“You don’t know what you're saying right now, you still friends, I know that.”

“I like him, as a friend, as something more than a friend, but he doesn’t like me anymore, and that’s the problem. No one can love me for real, Morten was right, and I was wrong when I thought it was a good idea to leave him. It was at least someone there when I came home… Calle is a reminder of everything I have done wrong, and that Morten is still right, I can't see him - We have to change sidekick!” 

Vegard tries his best to convince him that Morten was and still are wrong, and it was a good, the best, decision to leave him. Morten wasn't good for his brother, a thing that was easy to see from the outside point of view, but it's so hard to get Bård to understand the same. It ends up with Vegard’s scratching Bårds back wild telling about everything he knows about aeroplanes, as they did when they were children until both are sleeping.

\---

_Friday: around 7._

Next time Vegard wakes up, he hears voices and sounds of glasses and cutleries from the kitchen. When he takes a look at the clock, he counts that three hours has passed. As carefully and quiet he can, he leaves the bed and covers Bård under the duvet to let him sleep until he wakes up by himself. 

“Good morning darling, did we wake you up?”, Helene asks and gives him a kiss, and he kisses her back and shakes his head. “You look tired.”, she strokes his cheek gently. 

“I am”, he nods “But I’m pretty okay…”, he says with a sad smile, in the silent compares himself to Bård.

“How is he doing?” 

“I don’t really know what to do… I thought about maybe trying to take him to someone professional, even if he’s not going to like that. But I don’t know… Maybe it just destroys more than help...?”

“That bad?”

“I thought, or maybe, I _hoped_ that this was over…”

She nods slowly and gives him a hug. “Give him some time, have to make him feel better, but it maybe takes some time.”

“Yeah…”, he lets himself be hugged, to believe in her words. “I love you and thank you for being so acceptable… with everything, always letting him stay here and be warm towards him, and everything else you do.”, he can’t imagine what he had done without Helene. A life without her would be impossible.

“Of course, he’s your brother.”, she says and gives him a warm smile.

 

* * *

 

_Friday, around 13._

Bård wakes up without really knowing where he is, and that makes him a bit distressed. He tells himself to calm down, and he starts to recognise the room. He searches for his phone, and the door opens and Helene smiles at him.

“Good morning.”

“Morning… The time?”, he answers stressed, even it’s not unusual that he’s the last one to drop in at the office.

“Almost one o'clock. But don’t worry, Vegard wanted you to get some sleep and promised to fix everything you had to do.”, she smiles and sits down on the bed. 

He says he thinks he has to go, find a reason to leave Vegard’s place and take himself _home,_ and get some time alone, _undisturbed_. But Helene not seems to think that’s a good idea as he does, and asks him to stay and eat lunch with her. He knows that he should be thankful and appreciate that she cares about him, but he really needs to be alone for some hours and the thought of that she’s not going to let him leave, makes the uncomfortable feeling grow.

“You can’t force me to stay, I make my own decisions.”

She nods, “You do, but I thought it would be nice for us both. Don’t you think so?”, she smiles and he feels he has to nod and accept her ‘invitation’. So he asks if he can take a shower before they eat. 

“I’ll get you a towel and if you need new clothes, Vegard’s closet is up in our bedroom.”, she says and Bård looks down at himself. He had apparently fallen asleep in the shirt he wore the day before. Even it’s obvious that she must've seen his naked arms when they talked, he covers them with his sleeves as fast as he has got a look on them. Bård can’t get himself to look into her eyes after that when he leaves the bed to borrow clothes from his brother.

He looks into Helene and Vegard’s bedroom, all in white and beige. The bed is perfectly made and he has to laugh when he opens the doors to what shows to be Vegard’s closet. _So typically him_. All his shirts are hanging and are sorted after it’s colour. White to the left and darker to the right, and after that those with several different colours, also they sorted from lighter to darker. His hoodies and sweaters too. Vegard, big brother, controlled, nerdy, a responsibility one, and sometimes with some trait of autistic. His brother has even folded all his t-shirts, perfectly to the same size and sorted even them after colour. In Bård’s closet everything is messy as fuck, everything blended and a hanger has never been seen there.

He picks up a white t-shirt, unfold it and holds it in front of him, and has to laugh a bit again. White background and big black letters on the front side; _What does *a big orange fox* say?_ He laughs a bit, _What Vegard? It’s lying on the top, did it happen that you wear it or what?,_ but his happiness doesn't last so long, just until he should try to fold it like Vegard had. It doesn’t work, and he doesn’t really have any patience. He tries one time more, but it doesn’t at all look as the others do, then he irritated throws it on the floor. _You can’t even fold a t-shirt, of course, no one is able to love you for real!,_ and snatches the second one. Looks at it _, We have a small cabin for that kind of stuff_ says the text on the chest. _Dafuq? Why Vegard?_ He throws that too on the floor, without trying to fold it, and on his third time he finds a normal white t-shirt. He jerks down a grey hoodie and leaves the room without closing the doors to the closet. 

He gets his jeans from where he left them in the guest room, and on the way to the bathroom, he meets Helene again. “I put the towel on the washing machine.”, she says and he thanks her and smiles. “And Vegard doesn’t need to worry about you, doing anything stupid?”, she asks carefully and he just looks down at the floor and shakes his head before he slips into the bathroom.

He has to, _You don’t need to worry, it makes me feel better. Isn’t that you want?,_ he searches for something, but can’t find anything useful. He searches everywhere but can’t find anything, anything at all. Not a surprise if Vegard has clean away all kinds of razors, but he can’t find a scissor, tweezer or something like that, not even anything hard in plastic with a sharp edge. He gives up with the searching and lets the warm water clean his soul wild he scratches his arms bloody. It feels good to see the pink water drop on the floor. He takes a long time in the bathroom, first washing both inside and outside, and then he stands in front of the mirror and just staring at his own face, while he waits for his arms to stop bleeding.

\---

They eat in silent, but it’s kind of a comfortable silent, he really likes Helene and is so happy for Vegard and their kids. She’s so care-taking, and if he would be forced to chose a new mother, he had chosen someone like her. But the mode can change fast... 

“You decide over your own life, and we can’t make your decisions, but you know we’re pretty worried about you… We want to help you.”, she looks at him and waits for him to respond, but when he doesn’t, she continue carefully “Have you thought about talking to someone professional? I have a friend who’s psychologist-”

“No.”, he just answers, staring down at the food. 

“Don’t you think that-”

“No.”

“Maybe you can think of it?”

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calle's perspective are coming soon, I think.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my mind, this is summer/fall 2014, preparing for IKMY 4. The lyrics that will come, the song is from June 2016, but don’t think about that. (+ Alexander Rybak was one of the reasons to why I started to love Norway: when he won Eurovision Song Contest.)

_**Calle, Friday morning.**  
_ Calle looks at the paper he has in his hand, his eyes are travelling back and forth, but he realises that he doesn’t read. His eyes are looking at the paper but he doesn’t understand the words and the context, because he has start to think of Bård, again. Calle has always thought that Bård is special, and has always had his eyes open for him when they both have been single. Or “always”, at least before they start to work with each other because you can’t be more than friends if you’re colleagues, you have to be professional. Therefore, he knows how stupid the kiss was, and how stupid it is to walk around and think about Bård all the time. _It can’t become something between them, even how much Calle dreams about it._

Bård is his friend since long ago, Vegard too, and they all are colleagues, but he can’t help his feelings.They both had been drunk, and it had felt like a good idea to kiss him, not only good, the best. It felt so right. But he was drunk and it was like he had forgotten about _the_ _be-professional-thing_. There, he thought about them two as friends, both single, he had thought; _carpe diem, YOLO, live every day as if it was your last,_ so he had leant in and kissed him without thinking about the consequences. But now, he can't get himself to stop think about him, and a song stuck in his head. 

> **_“When you're away  
>  _** **_I try to focus on things  
>  _ ** **_I need to do_ ** **_but my hands are shakin',  
>  _ ** ******_cause I'm just mad about you.”_ **

“Are you even reading? It doesn’t look like that.”, he looks up and looks at one of his coworkers who gave him the text, too many minutes ago. The text he was supposed to read and give feedback, but then he had started to think about Bård.

“Sorry, I just started to think about... a thing...”, he stares at the paper again, and forces himself to focus on it. Takes in all the jokes, even laugh in the middle. “It’s really good! But the end, I think it could be even better if we shorten it a bit. I think it should make it a bit sharper.”, he says when he read it and handle it back.

“I also thought about it, but I wasn’t really sure, but if you say it too-”, he says and reaches after a pencil, and then “You know it’s pretty obvious who you think about when you looks like that?”

“Is it that obvious that I’m totally in love with you...?”, Calle says and makes his best embarrassed face.

He laughs, and Calle smiles, knows how useful his face can be to switch the mode, atmosphere or the subject topic in a second. Just say something half funny, it doesn't even have to be unexpected, you just have to add the right face to it and everyone forgets what they focused on a second before.

“Sorry if I make you disappointed, but I’m married, and I love my wife.”, still laughing.

“Really sure?”, he answers and starts to unbutton the first button on his shirt. “I can show you how wonderful our side is, and you will never think about a woman in that way again-”, he says but interrupts by a ringtone.

“I really have to take it, is it okay?”, his colleague says when he has scanned the display, and Calle nods and when he’s left alone, his thoughts starts to spin around Bård again. Left to his own thoughts and to the sound of his sleeping dog. 

> **_“When by myself  
>  _** **_I think of all that may  
>  _** **_or may not be true.  
>  _****_And I'm scared of falling  
>  _****_falling hard without you._ ** **”**

He’s a bit worried, thinks about yesterday. He’s too worry, more than you should for someone who’s “only your friend". But it was something really strange. Bård was so… so not there, and then he had disappeared for a long time. Vegard had also been gone for quite long time before he showed up again in the meeting room and just informed them that he and Bård quit for the day with the explanation “Bård isn’t feeling so good”. Nothing more. If the case was that Bård had left the room and then like thrown up, Vegard could just say that and said that he should help him home, and no one would question it. _Something is pretty wrong but you won't tell us what._

> **_“But then I see your smile.  
>  _** **_And suddenly I feel stronger,  
>  _** **_I feel proud.  
>  _** **_that's when I man up.  
>  _****_And girl, there's a thing_** (correcting girl to boy)  
>  ******_I gotta say out loud.”_**

And now, almost half past eleven, and no one of the brothers has shown up at the office. It isn’t something unusual that Bård is late, he uses to be the last one to arrive and the last one to leave. But Vegard, he is always in time, always 8.30 at the office, but not today. _I can’t have those feelings for Bård, it’s not going to work._ Calle starts to make a plan, he has to get rid of his feelings so he and Bård can move on, as the friends they are. _He likes me as a friend, and I should be happy for at least have him as that._ It’s Friday, and he will go out, find a one night stand to forget Bård. _On Monday aren't you anything more than my close and old friend._  

“Hi Calle!”, the door opens and Vegard enters. He looks tired, but he smiles at him.

“Morning. You’re very late, what happened?”

“I know, things didn't really work out…”, he gestures with his hands “As I planned.” 

“I understand.”, he nods and guesses it has to be something around his kids. “But you came alone?” 

“Yeah, I did… Bård is home today too. I guess you haven't eaten yet, but maybe we can take an early lunch, I haven't eaten breakfast so I’m quite hungry by now.” 

“Absolutely.”, he smiles, and closes his laptop, “I'm a bit worried about what happened yesterday, is Bård alright?”

“Don’t worry, he’s going to be okay.”, is what Vegard answers, and Calle has to force himself to not ask more questions about Bård. He really wants and feels he has to know but doesn't want to say too much. 

> **_“You got my heart._ **  
>  **_Baby, I know this time it's true  
>  _ _So I came to love you.  
>  _ _And that's what I'm gonna do.”_**

\---

Vegard wants something with pasta, so they decide an Italian restaurant, and Calle chooses risotto. They eat the food and at the same time they find up some new ideas, even though they already have a lot of funny things they are pretty satisfied with. Calle asks one more question about Bård, but Vegard makes it quite clear that he doesn't want to talk about his brother’s condition. _He’s going to be okay…_  

> **_“And I just hope,  
>  _** **_deep in your heart  
>  _** **_you feel it too.  
>  _ ** **_'Cause I came to love you,  
>  _ _and that's what I'm gonna do.”_**

They walk back to the office, Vegard to finish some things before he can go home and sleep again, and Calle to get Roxie, and take him out for a walk. The only thing Calle has left to do is to call someone and ask about some stuff they are going to use in a competition later on when the season starts. The call is over in just some minutes, so Calle and Roxie walk in silent around in a park in Oslo. When he realises he has started to think about Bård again, he remembers the plan. He picks up his phone, and scroll through the numbers and chooses Øyvind. “ _Need a bit help, can you have Roxie tonight and tomorrow morning?”_ He gets an answer only a minute later, with a positive response. He smiles, _Monday - You’re nothing more than my close friend again._    

> **_“When we're apart  
>  _** **_I walk around all day  
>  _** **_with your name in my heart  
>  _ ** **_And I can't stop dreamin'  
>  _ ** ******_the sweetest dreams about you.”_**

 ---

He enters the pub, looks around to see if it’s someone there who possibly could be his one-night stand, and hopes this not will take too much time _._ He walks up to the bar and gets a beer from the bartender when he hears a voice.

“Calle, right?”, he turns around to the voice and faces a very good looking man. He can’t recognise him and doesn’t really know if he should.

“Yeah, but I’m sorry, have we met before, can’t recall your name...”, a bit embarrassed. He meets a lot of people who know his name, but never can he remember if that person is someone _he_ _should_ recognise or not.

“No, we never met, but Harald is my name.”, he says with a smile and Calle feels a bit relieved. _The law of Jante;_ _You're not to convince yourself that you are better than we are._

They talk, or it starts with Harald talking about Raske Menn, and what a big thing that it is to meet one of them, and get a chance to really have a talk. It’s always funny to speak to a “fan”, but it also turns out that this guy is both nice, smart and funny. They order more to drink, talk more, laugh more until they end up making out.

“My apartment is ten minutes away from here, want to come?”, he smiles when they finished their glasses.

\---

He wakes up the morning after in a room he doesn’t recognise, alone in a bed, but he remembers the last night. He remembers it as wonderful, remembers Harald and him. But by the minutes, when he became more and more awake he reaches of the memory that he had thought about Bård the entire session yesterday night. 

> **_“I lay awake when you're not in my bed.  
>  _** **_Because I can't get you out of my head  
>  _ ** **_And I feel so foolish.  
>  _ ** ******_The biggest fool without you.”_**

He feels like a terrible human, the worst on earth. He feels he has used Harald, or it’s practically the thing he has done and that was what he had planned; find someone, just someone to get rid of all those feelings around Bård. He had really used Harald, but that’s not enough, they had sex and he thought about someone else. Wished those hands should be Bård’s. And Bård’s lips, ears, body. He hears sounds, the door opens, and Harald steps in with two cups of steaming coffee.

“You drink coffee?”, he asks and gives him a cup. “I think we had very nice last night, but I’m not searching for anything serious…”, he starts and looks at Calle for some reaction.

“Honestly, not either I.”

“So it was a one night stand for us both?”, Harald says, and it’s like them both sigh of relief when they understand that they both want the same now. 

“I think so.”, he answers and they both smile, and it’s not at all awkward or so.

“And I have to say, I’m still a fan of you and the guys, but yesterday - it wasn’t because of that you’re ‘That-Raske-Menn-Calle’, I really think we had a nice time, really funny.”

They small-talk a little, while Calle gets dressed. He asks Calle what he’s going to do the rest of the day and he answers that he’s plan is just to get his dog from Øyvind and then go home and eat pizza. Harald is going to have dinner with his family and celebrate his sister's 35th birthday. They walk separate ways as friends, and Calle feels that he likes this guy. He had the incredible combination of being smart and clever, and both funny and handsome, but the most important thing was that they shared the same humour.  

> **_“But then I see your smile  
>  _** **_and all the sudden  
>  _** **_I'm happy, strong and proud.  
>  _ ** **_That's when I man up.  
>  _ _Girl, do you mind if I say this out loud.”_**

\---

Calle walks around on the streets of Oslo, 11.30, a Saturday morning. Thinks of yesterday as a failure, he didn’t manage to forget Bård, the whole thing had just made him think of him even more. (Even though he maybe had found a new friend.) They, he and Roxie walk around pretty alone on the streets. It becomes a bit colder when they leave the street and walk into the forest, and Calle lets Roxie run free. An hour passes, Calle starts to be even colder and also a bit hungry. When they walk home, they take a turn around to the local pizzeria.  

> **_“You got my heart.  
>  _** **_Baby, I know this time it's true  
>  _ ** **_So I came to love you.  
>  _ ** ******_And that's what I'm gonna do.”_  **

\---

He sits on the sofa, and for once letting Roxie sit beside him. For once, he needs some comfort, needs to distract his thoughts. The TV is turned on, _Brille,_ an episode with Vegard and that reminds him that he should call Bård and ask how he's doing and wish him to get well.

For every tone, the feeling “ _this is wrong, this is bad_ ” intensifies. A really bad idea, he should do everything to forget Bård, but now can’t he get himself to end the call and before he can find something to say, the other person on the line answers. He says the absolute first thing his mind can make up, says it out loud, and in this case, it turns out to be “Oh, sorry I called the wrong person.” 

“No, you called Bård’s phone, but he’ll be back in a second.”, he hears Vegard’s voice on the other side.

“Yeah, but I called wrong… anyway… wrong…”, he says and looks up at the screen in front of him and saves of what he sees. “I called wrong Bård, should call Bård Tufte Johansen.”, he explains and hopes he sounds convinced. 

“Ah, okay, see you on Monday then.”

“We do.”, then he reminds “And say from me to Bård, I wish him to get better and that I think a lot of him-”, _what?_ What had he said, _Freudian slip_ … “No! I mean just tell him to get better from me, nothing more, see you on Monday.”, he says fast and finishes the call before Vegard can give any response to what he had said.

“Fuck”, he mumbles to himself and throws away his cell phone. He hides his face in Roxie’s spotted coat. “I wish I was like you, a dog without problems…” he continues and then starts to tell his dog about all his love problems that circles around Bård and the kiss. He always feels a bit weird and strange when he talks to his dog as if the animal actually was listening and taking in what he tells him, but sometimes it feels really good. A bit silly to talk to a dog, but it’s one really good reason to do that, and that is; the words will stay between you two, Roxie isn’t going to be able to retell it. And in the back of his head, that lyrics again and the wish; they three as a family one day?    

> **_“And I just hope,  
>  _** **_deep in your heart  
>  _** **_you feel it too.  
>  _ ** **_'Cause I came to love you,  
>  _ ** ******_and that's what I'm gonna do."_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has happened a lot of things, at least (what it feels like) in my head and in the writing process. I've got a lot of help (with both the story and plot, + the grammar and languages), a lot of help from wonderful SyntaxError - so thank you again a million times! ✩♥︎ It's better, smarter and for me it feels more "realistic" in a fictional way - thanks of you

On Monday morning, he's back on track. At some point, it wasn’t so hard to go back to normal. In fact, it was way out of his control: plain impossible until reached a point when he suddenly realised that he was in an almost neutral mood again. In these moments he always tries to focus on motivation! Trying to get done some of the things he wants to get done or engaging his brains in finding ways how to do fun things that have never been done before. No matter if it was for IKMY or while spending time with his brother's kids: Full force motivation! 

Those days together with Vegard and his family have been really good for him. He has spent a whole day together with Maja, only the two of them. One of his best days in a while! They've been playing in the park and when realising they were both starving, they decided to have lunch at a famous fast food restaurant. Chicken Nuggets seemed to be the little girls absolute favourite! Later they went home and busied themselves with drawing pictures together for the rest of the afternoon. There was a maxi-pack of new crayons Bård had bought for Maja on their way home. (Passing the window displays of the main shopping street his niece had all of a sudden stopped in her tracks and her nose had been glued to the glass until he had lifted her off her feet and bought the deluxe kit including more colours than he could name and their respective versions in glitter.) How he had loved every minute with her. -  So it wasn't exactly hard to keep his head up these days, but every single minute, Bård could feel it was so so fragile!

When he meets Calle in the corridor for the first time after the weekend, he smiles at him and Bård smiles back, feeling his cheeks getting very warm. “Good to see you again. I’ve been a bit worried about you.”, Calle admits and looks a bit lost. Like he's trying to decide whether he should hug Bård or not. Finally, he chooses to just stand there, smiling at him. 

“Good to see you t- t- too. You really didn't need to-” he smiles back. “Just something with my stomach, but it's good for now.”, he says the first thing that comes to his mind. 

“That's good to hear. Um, excuse me, I have to take Roxie for a little walk, see you later.” he smiles a bit sheepishly this time and follows his waiting dog down the corridor. Bård only nods and walks into his own office, a strange feeling in his guts. Calle has been worried about him and has thought about him while he's been away. That is at least something. But that's what you do automatically when your colleagues are not at work, right? So it doesn't mean anything. Just words to be polite, just one of those unwritten rules you have to follow.

But all in all, it's good to be back at the office, good to be back at work, because that is something he really loves about his life. The thing he tries to remind himself of when things just are all black and desperate.It's his baby, named IKMY. And it's already IKMY 4 these days. He's proud of what they have already accomplished and happy to take care it off together with his brother and their best friend. Because Calle really is without a doubt Vegard's and admittedly as well Bård's best friend. He regrets his words about replacing Calle, no one can make him laugh the way Calle does. He, Vegard and David had a good time together, it was good TV, but that just can't be compared to the unequalled chemistry and natural understanding between him, Vegard and Calle. 

In the afternoon Vegard knocks on the open door to Bård’s office while entering. He knows he doesn't have to wait for an answer and finds Bård typing something on his laptop. When he finally looks up he greets him with a questioning look. 

“How's it going?” Vegard asks with a smile.

“Good.." the younger one replies, "..but it’s like... A  LOT of things to do, which I expect you to already know, being the author of my to-do-list.”

“Looking at that list now, I kinda regret that we agreed to do the livestream. I mean, 24 hours... _live_... and on top of that all the security things and stuff because we have Erna Solberg as our guest...” 

“But the security thing isn’t our responsibility, I think it’s exciting! But I’m a bit stressed too. Let's stay focused and give it our best.”, he winks in an over-exaggerated slow motion style and makes his brother raise an eyebrow, suppressing a light chuckle. 

“I know, but things could happen that then could affect other things which are in fact still our responsibility.”, it’s silent for a moment, then Bård gives it a hesitating nod. 

 “I... think I should go and take a look at my own list again.” Vegard says after another moment of silence. 

“Do so.” he begins to write again. 

“One more thing-” The older brother stops when he reaches the door, “Sorry for what happened on Thursday, it wasn’t-” 

“Forget it! The other days as well please… and maybe let’s just not talk about it.” Bård interrupts him. 

“Okay… But just so you know, if you need me, I’m still here and you’re always welcome to come and have dinner with us, whenever you feel like it.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

Just like the weeks before, he regularly catches himself having drifted off in a meeting or while sitting with a bunch of papers on his desk. And always there's a specific set of images playing back and forth before his inner eye. Bård has found himself in a good handful of situations with Calle that have all been much like the one on his first day back at the office. He associates them with hugs and potential skin contact he could have received from the tall one, but simply has not. So his mind keeps replaying these little jolts that tend to run through Calle's body sometimes when they meet. Starting from his shoulders, crossing his chest as the intended movement is being suppressed. Hardly more than an almost imperceptible shiver.

Additionally, he thinks he notices Calle lingering around close to Bård's office door and sometimes popping his head in, just to share minor details of their work, slightly more often than he had used to in the past months... and especially compared to the time since their return from London. So memories of all these little nothings are idly replaying in his head, teasing him and torturing him since he just can’t find an answer to the question if he’s only seeing what he wants to see or if there's a bit of this expectant tension between them for real. 

\---

All the while Vegard feels like he is going insane. Worried to put too much pressure on his brother's mental condition again, he has stopped all meant-to-be-reassuring teasing about mutual attraction between Calle and his brother and strictly instructed co-workers who had overheard it or shared an opinion on the topic to keep it down for a while. But that surely doesn't mean that Vegard can as well stop seeing the signs! He can imagine how his brother keeps wasting time, pondering about what's just so plainly obvious to him. But since he's decided not to push any on them any further, for now, he can't do anything but watch them. In his eyes, his dear brother and his dear best friend are circling around each other like two planets bound to collide, but _not_ before reaching the centre of a supermassive black hole... An agony that even Helene couldn't ease for him.

On the other hand, it’s almost fun to watch the two of them, how they “interact” - or better, try not to interact with each other. How they sit in opposite corners of the room with as much distance between them as possible. But then they look at each other whenever they think the other one won't notice it. The undisguised enthusiasm in Bård’s eyes when he listens to Calle telling other people about a new idea or explaining how he intends to make things even more hilarious. And then the shiny aura of proud happiness that spreads over Calle whenever he finds himself being the reason for Bård’s laughter.

\---

When working in the same room as one of them, it's a tradition that after exchanging some provoking glances, a competition is set up among them: _Who can type the fastest?_ But recently it happened more than once to Vegard that even in this competitive situation, the sound of typing suddenly stops, on one side of the table and when he looked up, his glance usually only met the completely blank face of someone who’s clearly not in the same room with him anymore.

* * *

“What type of restaurant have you guys decided on? Have we already booked a table?” 

“No, haven’t even chosen a restaurant. We'll do it after the meeting today, if necessary we can vote on it.”

He nods. Recently he's started thinking about giving up meat. He'd “happened” to overhear one of Bård and Vegard’s conversations in which Bård had said something about that maybe he would stop eating meat and since that time Calle has also thought about it. He had always been like that whenever he was in love with someone. Already when he was about twelve years old, he had experienced the strong wish to cut his hair exactly like the boy he liked back then, or one day he chose the dog-side of the “Cat vs Dog”- rivalry, and he had once hated coffee but now he can't live without it anymore... It’s some weird urge to have as much in common with his beloved as possible. He knows it’s stupid - what difference would it make whether he likes to eat the same things as Bård or not? Not any! _Why do all things about affection have to be so complicated?_ He can’t even understand himself so easily - how can he expect that should Bård be able to understand him...?

\---

“No, it’s the same day as the premiere, actually.” Bård says to Calle after he's overheard a phone call, where it sounded like Calle thought the livestream would take place one week earlier than the premiere. 

“What, the Dagbladet-thing?”, he asks surprised and even a bit more stressed than just a minute ago. 

“Yes, o- o- or it’s actually VG, but yes.”

“What? Wait, but why?!”, he exclaims. 

“Calm down.” Bård says and places a hand on Calle's shoulder before he can think about it or stop himself. Calle goes on talking but Bård is suddenly way too occupied with his own action and with finding out when to withdraw his hand again and how in hell he should in a most unsuspicious way. _How long would you regularly have your hand placed on someone's shoulder? This is pretty awkward!_ He says a quick prayer to all gods of comedy and light entertainment that they would not let Calle notice the awkwardness too... and may give him a cool outward appearance while he's suffering on the inside.

“Why exactly the same day?” is what his ears registers first after the contract has finally been broken and Bårds ears have resumed their work. 

“I don’t know.”, he says and starts gesturing with both his arms, so much that Calle starts wondering what he’s doing. At the same Bård wonders if Calle really doesn't notice how nervous he becomes in his presence. And Bård's blushing... and that he's even stammering sometimes. So unlike Bård's usual self!

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This dinner shall have some “kick-off-effect”, 20 days before the premiere of IKMY4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I want to say the biggest THANK YOU to SyntaxError, thanks for everything you’ve helped me with! From grammar to the story (I know I have an unwilling ability to overdo and tell more than necessary…), so you can say she’s cleaned the text, and I’m so grateful for that! 
> 
> And of course a thank you to you who’s reading, it means a lot!
> 
> ♥︎

Calle is late.

He is 10 minutes late because Øyvind has gone to Bergen, visiting his relatives for a week. - Calle had only remembered that while already standing on his friend's doorstep and only after there hadn't been any reaction after ringing the doorbell about twice a minute for quite a while. Oh, what a WONDERFUL friend he was! Completely fixated on his own issues, never minding his friend's appointments…

Calle keeps accusing himself for being reckless towards his surrounding for another minute or so. He had taken for granted that Øyvind would be home and could take care of Roxie for the evening. Now his beloved pet wins a free ride to the restaurant and Calle crosses his fingers that he will get a bowl of water for her at least, and hopefully the permission to keep her with him at their table.

So 10 minutes late he is, and that means he’s the last one to arrive. When he finds the booth where his colleagues have taken their seats, it is already packed and the only seat left for him is the chair between Magnus and Bård. Calle says hi to Bård, feeling the same urge to hug him, that has turned out to be nearly a constant in the past weeks, but resists it once more.

He turns towards Magnus and naturally hugs him 'hello' without thinking about it, but startles when he receives a cryptic glance from Bård. For a moment, Calle hates himself but luckily no one other than Bård and himself seems to take notice of the little moment of awkwardness. Both they manage to distract themselves, but already after a short while, both of them are throwing long glances in the other’s direction about every other 10 minutes or so.

Calle is rapt in a discussion with one of his colleagues when he suddenly feels the light bump of a head leaning against his shoulder. To his right he finds Bård looking up at him for a moment with his big blue eyes. You can't really call it tipsy by now, but it's obvious that the alcohol has made Bård feel way more relaxed than he was when this evening started. (Calle has only been drinking non-alcoholic beverages, since only a few, few cabs would allow dogs of the size of his Roxie; so he has to be able to get them both home safely in his own car later.) For a moment he enjoys the warmth originating from the other's body but becomes more and more confused. It takes him a little while to muster the courage to react, wondering if this is a gesture meant especially for him, or if Bård is just so tired, that he can’t resist leaning against somebody, let it be anyone of his colleagues, while the seat on his other side luckily happened to be empty at this very moment.

“Bård?”, he asks and looks down at him carefully. “We’re still friends, right?”

“Yeah... I hope so... Right?”, Bård answers, swiftly looking up at him for reassurance with the last part of the sentence. After a second of silence he adds: “It just feels like… Like, I dunno… like, like you've been trying to avoid me recently…”

“Oh, but no I’m not! I- I  haven't, I mean...”, Calle says and shakes his head energetically.

Then he leans a bit closer because Bård continues his talking, his voice much softer than before. “Uhm... that night... It was stupid! ...so please forget about it, 'cause I still want to be your  _good friend!_...That moment I just felt like kissing you, I know it was a stupid to do, but now... we cannot let it destroy our friendship, right?”, there's an almost pleading tone in Bård's voice but Calle’s mind keeps repeating only six words of what he's just heard: " _I just felt like kissing you, I just felt like kissing you…_ ”, " _I kissed you…_ ”. No! It was Calle who had kissed Bård!?

 _Does it matter who initiates a kiss?_ “Let’s still be friends, then.”, he whispers back and feels it is finally the right moment to hug Bård. _You can hug a friend._ So he... no, he can’t! In the very last moment he changes his mind again. _"I  kissed him!"_ , he thinks. It _is_ important! It feels like something important! Bård however seems to be satisfied with only a verbal answer and is soon busy with another conversation again, his cheek still pressed against Calle’s shoulder.

In the meantime Calle is occupied with his own thoughts, still trying to process the deeper meaning and make sense of Bård's words. - From what it sounded like, it doesn't really seem so far-fetched anymore, that Bård is into him as well. - Still half lost in his thoughts he slowly rises from his chair and asks if someone else would like to keep him company outside but then receives a disappointed look from Bård. “Have I said something... wrong?” Calle blinks.

“You didn’t… You don’t… uhm…”, Bård says and looks suddenly so small and insecure.

Calle now answers with a broad and reassuring smile, “Just going out for a smoke." He gives him a wink and adds in a low voice, so only Bård can hear it, "Still friends, remember?”

While the tall blonde is on his way, suddenly in high spirits, Bård is having a hard time ignoring the shivers that he's just sent down his spine: He's been _really_ close to him during that last sentence and the sensation of Calle's warm breath still lingers on his skin, as does the deep voice; tingling in Bård's ear. How can he keep his cool so well while Bård just... can't?

After the first half of his cigarette, Calle realises how much he hopes that Bård will again lean against him when he's back in there. It'd felt safe and it'd felt right. Being good friends, they've been sitting like that so many times over the years, but the "in-love aspect" had made everything, even the little things, feel so different. Used-to-be normal things suddenly turned out to be exciting beyond compare, and at the same time even the tiniest social interactions seemed more difficult than ever. He opens the door again and walks up to their table, feeling disappointment creeping in when he finds Magnus having taken his seat, and enthusiastically engaging in a heated debate with Bård about what's the most boring "sport", golfing or fishing?

Calle takes Magnus’ chair instead and tries his best to look unaffected. But the very next moment Vegard turns towards him and wiggles his eyebrows knowingly. “He took your seat!”, he choffs with a teasing smile. Calle finds himself being at a loss for words, so he just shakes his head and shrugs at the same time. Ignoring that his old friend asks more seriously this time: “How do you feel now?”, and catches Calle so a bit off guard.

“About Bård?”, he asks back tentatively and Vegard responds with a dirty laugh.

“Actually, I meant the upcoming premiere but if you wanna talk about my little brother instead, feel free to tell me eeeverything there is… You know I’m trying hard to always be there for you!” Calle can’t help the impression that Vegard sounds a lot like a strange mix of a counsellor and a tele shopping host while saying that.

“Oh… of course...”, he's convinced that embarrassment has coloured his cheeks and neck a nice, bright signal red, and tries to hide it by turning away his face and reaching for his glass. “Twenty days left ain’t that much. Live show... you know anyway, I’m gonna be damn nervous!”, he answers, talking into his glass, avoiding his friend's curious gaze.

They keep talking about the premiere more casually from there on and Calle jokingly asks if the brothers had really thought this all through 'til the end. _Live, 11 Tuesdays in a row...?_ Recently Vegard has obviously been a little stressed because of the high expectations regarding the “sequel” to “The Fox”. It feels like everybody had got it all wrong. He knows that both, Bård and Vegard know well that they will never score higher than with this stupidly random accident about animal sounds. The brothers don’t expect “a new The Fox” but they're worried about the audience’s reaction to a song of their "regular quality" coming up next.

“You know,... I've always had high hopes of ‘Massachusetts’ becoming a big hit, but have you ever thought about what a lucky accident it was that, of all of the songs, ‘The Fox’ went viral?”, Calle asks, honestly interested in the answer.

“Depends...", Vegard hesitates, "What exactly do you mean?”

“It was a song starring the two of you, not only one brother who got all the attention!”

Vegard closes his eyes and opens them again. “I _have_  thought about it... but I still hope that, if it had been a different song, we would have been able to share these fifteen minutes of fame with one another…” Then he hesitates, grinning and putting Calle a little bit on the rack with it. Watching Vegard run one hand through his dark curls, Calle waits patiently for what there is to come. “But let's be honest,...”, he continues finally, “You know for yourself that Bård is a good kid. He insisted on me getting a part in this contract back in the day in Fana." Then he chuckles. "Once, I found him in his office, taking a nap while I needed him to go over some drafts again. When I started lecturing him, he didn't even wake up, just mumbled ‘I'm not funny enough for TV by myself, it's not fun being funny without Vegard’ ...I'm sure he really was asleep that time, because I took a video of him without him realising it." He raises an eyebrow towards Calle. "But I'm saving that for a special occasion, so you must not tell him! Do we have a deal?" Of course Calle agrees and they share a little laugh about the video's potential.

After the excitement has cooled down, Vegard takes a sip from his cup and another spoonful of his dessert. He’s thinking about what he just told Calle about sharing, wondering how all of this could have turned out, if it had _in fact_ been "Massachusetts": A song starring not only the _two_ of them, but as well _Calle_...

The evening continues and eventually a good third of their group has left in order to return to their families or meet friends in other places. Now there's a number of seats vacant and Bård walks up to Calle. He could sit down next to him, but instead he's only standing by the side of his chair.

“Hi again.”, Calle smiles at him.  

Only tut-tutting at that, Bård shakes his head: “You are a little hard to understand tonight…”, he answers, but with just the tiniest bit of imagination Calle can recognise a slightly troubled expression on his face.

“I am, aren’t I?”, he jokes but tries to look directly into Bård’s eyes.  

The younger one avoids him. “It... seems like you're saying one thing... while meaning another…!” He's playing with his fingers, now obviously looking a little uneasy “You didn't come back after you'd left for having your smoke…”

“You seemed so busy talking to Magnus, and there was not really any space for me to sit anywhere closer than now....”, Calle quickly replies and encourages Bård to sit down by pulling up the chair next to him.

Bård sinks down on it and yet again asks the most prominent question on his mind. “So... we're still… okay?”

Since words have failed to convince him before, Calle just gives him a long and honest look, trying to convey that he's _meaning_ it. After some seconds he can watch Bård's expression soften while taking a deliberate breath and blinking once. To get rid of the remaining tension, Calle lets his head sink down to his chest with a sigh. However a second later he's already chuckling again and playfully nudges Bård's shoulder with his. He feels relief when he sees Bård's lips twitch and a little smile appears again. In that moment he decides to make sure to stay in his very spot for the rest of the night, sitting even a little closer to Bård than necessary.

Together they resume the discussion Calle had had with Ellen before, until interrupted by Bård. Or at least Bård is with them in the beginning, but soon he seems to be too tired to be actively taking part in it anymore. His head has sunken down on Calle’s shoulder again and only now and then he's humming affirmatively or mumbling something. Sometimes making sense and sometimes not.  

After a while, they decide to test how aware he still is of his surroundings, and have a little fun at his expenses for admitting things like mixing ice cream, banana, pizza and hot dog was a good idea. They even succeed to make him promise to compete against one of their guests in a so-called "smoothie challenge”. After half an hour the fun has come to an end because their victim isn't even reacting anymore and it looks like he's almost asleep. Calle checks the time on his watch. _Really time to leave and take a walk with his dog._

“Bård-”, he tries, softly patting the other's back, “I think we should call it a night now, you look so tired-”

“Me? I’m not.”, he quickly sits up and shakes his head.

“Accepted. Maybe you want a ride home anyway?”, Calle inquires, his voice full of the most obvious doubt.

“Uhm... Yeah.” Bård admits while trying to hide a yawn at the same time.

It's a clean cut, most of their co-workers leave with them, a few people stay behind but move towards the stools at the bar. The group following Calle out towards his car is bigger than expected, and consists of himself, next Roxie, Bård, Ellen and Tore (you easily become an unpaid taxi driver when not drinking).

“Uhm hey… Can I tell you something I’ve always thought about you?”, Bård asks, walking next to him. The chilly night air has refreshed his spirits.

Ignoring the tingling of excitement in his stomach Calle agrees: “Tell me.”

“Promise me to not be angry with me though.”

“Okay… I promise.”, he nods, bracing himself for disappointment.

“You really sound like a fool when you talk to your dog like she was a baby.”, the younger Ylvisåker ventures and breaks into laughter.

“ _That_ 's rich, coming from _you_ …", Calle responds dryly and hits the back of Bård's head jokingly. "Vegard has shown me a clip of you and Maja!”

“But you know, she is a kid!”, he replies, rubbing the spot which got hit with the attitude of someone who’s convinced that he had just delivered the _smartest_ comeback _ever_!”

“A _child_ , not an _infant_.” This time he shoulder bumps him, and a bit harder than he has intended, which makes Bård lose his balance but before he is in real danger of falling Calle already catches him. “Sorry, wasn’t meant to be that violent.”, he apologises but Bård just laughs it off anyway. In the process of stabilising Bård, the taller one's arm has ended up around Bård’s shoulders. But Calle thinks it's wise to leave it there and no one (including their additional passengers) seem to have anything against that.

“Then I won?!", Bård purrs only a few seconds after he's recovered his balance. "You’re more of a fool when talking like that to your dog than I am when I’m talking to my niece, an actual human.”, his laughing begins to sound a little hysterical now and Calle starts laughing too. Both, _with_  but even a little more _about_ him.  

\---

They drop off Ellen and Tore at their respective places, there's a lot of hugging and wishing each other a good night. Then, Bård and Calle are the only ones left. When they arrive at Bård’s house, Calle turns off the engine and receives a surprised look from Bård. “I'll walk you to your door.”, Calle says in a calm voice.

“You don’t have to do that, I’m not that drunk!”, the younger man laughs and steps out of the car.

“I know, but I just want to make sure that you get in safely.”

“Okay, okay. Even though I don’t get what you think could happen.”, he says while entering the door code of the building and holding up the door for Calle.

“I don’t know either, but I don’t want you to be raped and murdered in your own hallway.”, he smiles ironically since they both know that there's nothing to worry about. He just wants a few more moments together with him he really, really likes.

Bård shrugs: “ _That_ won't happen, my ex will not get out before spring 2015. So _then_ you can start acting like my bodyguard.”

“Sorry?”, Calle startles and looks at Bård, unable to tell if that was meant to be a joke that only sounded funny in Bård’s head again, or if it was meant seriously and Bård had just slipped him a glimpse of a dark past which Calle has been totally unaware of. Judging by the tone he said it, it’s probably just a rather morbid joke, but those words… He doesn’t know what exactly to make of them, but he knows he won't so easily forget them.

“I- No! I shouldn’t have said that!”, Bård shakes his head. "Hearing what I was saying, I already felt, I shouldn't have said it.", he mumbles, energetically pressing the bottom that will take them to the right floor.  

“Bård?”, the older one chances after some seconds of silence, during which the buzzing of the elevator has been the only sound in this tiny space, “You’ve never told me about anything like this?” Again he's unsuccessfully trying to make eye contact with the younger one.

“I know. And there’s a reason why! The same reason won’t let us talk about it now either.”, Bård’s voice cuts through the air and through all of Calle's further attempts to talk him into sharing the blackness. This time, a much colder silence falls in the small room, both of them just waiting to reach the fifth floor. Calle is painfully confused, doesn’t really understand any of this. So many ups and downs throughout this whole evening...  

Finally, they can step out of the elevator and Calle watches Bård unlocking his apartment door. Bård tries to cracks an apologetic smile at him now, takes a step towards him and bravely hugs him. “You’ve hugged everyone but me...”, he whispers before he loosens the embrace and puts a minimum of distance between them again. Still facing his companion, he crosses the doorstep. “Goodnight, and thank you for saving me from being killed.”, he says with a small smile and closes the door as soon as Calle has managed a baffled "Welcome..." and has added "Have a good night!" through the already closing door.

On his way down Calle tries to summarise everything. This glance from Bård when he had so obviously hugged Magnus but not him, the shifts in his mood: insecurity, his usual, a bit cocky self, and these strange last moments between them. What was that…? Thinking of it now, hadn’t he once read a headline in some gossip newspaper, reading something like: _“Ylvis-Bård’s ex-boyfriend sentenced for gross assault.”_? He never read such articles, or mentioned the headlines towards one of the brothers, assuming it was hard enough to ignore the gossip anyway. And until today he had thought that if something of importance happened to one of his friends, they would take him into their confidence eventually. Now, he isn’t that convinced anymore. He thinks it’s impudent to be nosey, but he feels he would have to go back and find that article again. And see if he can find any more information around that... Bård had sounded so serious...

\---

When Bård feels the first rays of the late morning sun on his skin he feels terrible. It's definitely not the alcohol, he would welcome a hangover at this point. His chest feels hollow, reality feels shallow and despite all that he will still have to get up.

Yawning and trying to deny his fate a little longer he turns around and his right cheek makes contact with a cool surface. Oh right... He had been lying awake for a while last night, pondering whether or not to call Calle and try and explain a little bit more. Maybe he should still apologise...

Making everything more complicated doesn't make anything easier. Making everything _even more_ complicated won't help much with keeping up a friendship between them!

He notices the little icon in the top corner that tells him about an unread message. Even though he doesn't want to have anything to do with this day, his thumb presses the icon as a reflex and his eyes read: _"You know... It makes me really happy that you're alive."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two things have been laying in my 'Ylvis-fic"-folder on drive a long time now, but I just post it now because of no reason... It should be said that I'm still a bit ashamed about this work because some parts are so overdramatically, it tends to become like that and I'm aware of that... don't kill me.

So to be able to make better TV, or TV at all with the ”we’re too tired to work, why can’t we make something funny?”-feeling had it become Magnus against Calle. But they had made a deal and Vegard had agreed on letting Bård come along with the two blonds for the shooting of the golf- and fishing competition. After smiling cute and looking at his brother with his best puppy eyes, he had got him to think that that was well used time. In return, he had promised to take a bigger part of the paperwork than he usually does, but it’s worth it, totally.

”Bård in the middle okay? And can you just take a few steps to your left?”

”Like this? Clear enough that we’re at a golf course?”, he smiles at Daniel and takes some steps to the side so the flag becomes visible for the camera.

”Yup, exactly! You can start, make the intro.”

”Yeees!”, he claps his hands, something he and Vegard still have left since… Forever, almost…? ”We are here, at Oslo Golf course and we’re here because of a very serious competition between these two guys.”, he points at his friends and looks them into their eyes with a serious face. The little problem is that it’s like he doesn't dare to look into Calle’s eyes more than like a half second. Feeling he’s getting nervous and his cheeks getting warm, he breaks the eye contact and continue, “As I said, a really serious competition where you are going to play golf and fish - and he with the best result will of course be the winner. Do you understand?”

”We understand, but tell me what am I going to win?”, Magnus says and looks at him with a curious smile.

”What you’re going to miss when _I_ win.”, Calle corrects him.

”The price to the person who wins is to get Vegard’s chair during one of the interviews later on this season.”

”I’m going to do everything to beat you!”, both inform each other before they start with the playing.

Magnus is first and Bård watches as he places the little white ball upon the peg and gets ready in position to make his first attempt. They look at him, Magnus looking from the ball to the flag and back again a few times. Bård thinks it pretty clear that he’s a beginner and he’s just about to say something about the club (it looks a bit small) but before he has time to say anything Magnus makes his drive. And it goes surprisingly well, he manages to get the ball to fly in the air and land unexpectedly far away. Bård isn’t the only one who’s impressed and surprised, everyone seems to be and most of all Magnus himself.

”Did you guys saw that!”, he turns around towards the rest of the team with wide eyes. ”Wasn’t that incredible?!”, he shouts and it’s pretty clear that he’s more than excited!

Calle, he’s impressed too even if it’s clear that he wants to look pretty cool as if that was nothing when he asks ”Bård, was that really that good? I mean… come on…?”, very reserved and he looks sceptical in Magnus’ direction.

”To be honest… It actually was, I’m impressed! And I never thought I should say that to you Magnus of all people, I don’t know…?”, he is actually a bit shocked.

”It’s because you guys _always_ underestimate me. I can things, you know!”

They continue and it is Calle’s turn to see if he will have a chance to be the one to overtake Vegard’s seat. Everyone looks at him when he addresses and it’s an excitement in the air before he swings the club for the first time. Calle exchanges a glance with Magnus and then looks at the ball before he makes his drive. Or “makes”… He misses the ball with about twenty centimetres and of course, he got a good laugh from the team, especially from Magnus.

”I see you’ll make it tough for me.”, Magnus laughs and looks at Calle who doesn’t bother to answer. He just looks at him for a few seconds and then full focus on the task again. It takes four tries before he manages to hit the ball and for each time he fails, Magnus’ smile grows bigger and bigger. Bård offers to help him to make sure he stands right but that’s results in two big ”NO!” Calle can absolutely do it by himself, and then seconds of happiness when he realises that he actually could make the club head touch the ball, but that fades away when he sees the little white thing reach the ground.

”You can laugh, but I’ll make sure I’ll win.”, he says and turns around towards the camera even if the words are directed to Magnus.

”At least you hit the ball!”, Bård smiles at Calle, a mix of amusement and encouragement in his voice. A wish to make him happy but it also pretty funny to see him try so hard and then fail.

”As sure as before that you're going to win?”, Magnus asks when they start to walk to where they should shoot his next try.

”I’m sure. Maybe this wasn’t really my thing, but let me just say ’think of the prize’ and then I happened to have a journalism education from UiB and please remind me - what have you done when it comes to things like that?”, Calle answers and the part about his education - he says it with the same acted nonchalance as Vegard always uses when he reminds someone about his flying license. When the eyes are twinkling but the face says, ”nothing special about that”.

”Eh… My grandpa worked as a journalist?”, Magnus comes with information but uptalks it and shrugs. ”But if you compare me and Bård, I’ve at least study _some_ years, that’s more than we can say about you.”, he teases Bård.

”Who needs to go to school to become a clown?”, really who needs? Of course, sometimes he thinks it had been great if he had something else he was really good at or that classic thing about a real education to rely on - but so far so good! And honestly, if he just used his money right he thought he could live on the money he had made so far.

 

”That’s what I’m saying, who needs to be educated?”, Magnus looks at Calle and makes Bård a bit confused, doesn’t really follow his reasoning but nods.

”But to be honest, it’s not like IKMY is Skavlan?”, Calle does the classic thing - always comparing to Skavlan

”The only thing I say is; Not yet!”, Bård smiles and crosses his arms over his chest.

”Let me be a bigger part of the show! Be smart and take advantage of my education!”

”Navnet mitt er Caaarl Freeedrik og eg syns eg er så mye, mye bedre enn Magnus er fordi eg har én så flott utdannelse!” *My name is Carl Fredrik and I think I am so much better than Magnus because I have such a great education*, Magnus does his best imitation of Bergen-dialect and an almost good imitation of Calle. At least he manages to catch something with the face expression Calle always has.

Calle shakes his head and in return makes his best imitation of Magnus, and in some minutes the whole thing transforms into something that's more like an imitation competition than anything else. And a contest about psych out the other one, both with words and to create strange sounds to distract the other one in the exact second as he should try to hit the ball. The golf playing in itself becomes more of a second priority, especially for Calle who not seem to get into the flow.

It turns out that Magnus actually is very good at this and plays more than well if you take in that he (at least according to himself) just have played one or two times with a friend at Las Palmas. It wasn’t lucky on only the first try - Bård even thinks that he thinks they could start doing this together at their spare time, maybe at least. But Calle, he struggles with almost everything. He misses the ball again and again, and when he after the third or fourth try he often manages to hit the ball but then it lands maximum ten meters away.

In the beginning, Bård saw how Calle acted annoyed over how bad he had turned out to be, but for each hole they play - the more annoyed and irritated he becomes for real and when Calle thinks no one sees he tries to kick the little ball instead. Kicking a ball of that size can seem hard, but even that goes better than his attempts with the club. Bård laughs hard at him, secretly amazed over the fact that he has found something Calle actually doesn’t can do. That’s a real plus, after this day he has one thing on that list.

“No friendship here if you don’t stop laughing and shut up and instead help me!”, a smile and a laugh in his voice, but also an undertone of desperation.

Bård had really thought he should give him a hand, it's more than needed, so he walks a few meters closer but Magnus’ voice interrupts him. “No! No cheating! You're the host and judge, back off Bård, no cheating.”, he warns him. Then he turns to Daniel “I want a sync here.” and then whispers, as if he was talking to the viewers, “It's an unfair game, isn't it? They have been friends, I don't know, longer than I have existed. I would call it nepotism! I play like Tiger Woods, and Calle sucks but will win just because he plays out his friendship card.”

“Magnus…? Number one, Tiger Woods, honestly? And number two, either you have a really skew picture of our friendship or either you have to think that you're a LOT younger than you actually are.”, Calle shakes his head. _Friendship, that's what it is, that's how we want it._ Bård doesn’t know what kind of feeling that fills up his body when he hears Calle say the word. At some point, things became very complicated. He can sit down and think about that for hours when he’s alone. Think about how and when things went wrong.

Bård physically shakes his head to stop the thoughts before they take over and looks up at his friends. It seems like he had been in his own world much longer than he thought because what he sees is Calle trying to push Magnus away, ”I want him to help me, not you, I know you’re just going to make my playing worse!”, Calle half laugh, half panicking.  

”No, seriously, let me help you. As friends and not as a competitor, let me help you - and we have to make this to a competition. Even without your education, I can say we’re not making exciting telly right now...”, he says and puts Calle back in the right position.

”Can I get some room!?”, Calle says and looks at Bård and make a face - “please help me out of this situation”. But after some begging from Calle, Magnus backs off and stands beside Calle and instructs him about how to stand. Points at his knees, hands, the ball, the next green, back at his knees - and in an understandable way - Calle doesn’t at all understand what Magnus is talking about.

”Okay… Uhm… Like this.”, and suddenly he’s behind Calle again and is not willing him to go this time. ”Bend your knees!”

Bård can just stand there and laugh and encourage Daniel to film them all the time. For a second he imagines them two as a couple. One pretty tall and then one even taller than that, but he has to shake his head again to get that imagination away too, scared of himself when he feels a sting of jealousy. - Just because of his own thought.

”I said bend your knees!”, Magnus continues and then hit Calle in the backside of his knees that automatically makes him bend them if he wants it or not. ”How do you feel, do you like when I’m this close to you?”, Magnus laughs, everyone but Calle does.

Still a bit uncomfortable but with a half smile he answers, ”Ehm… I don’t know, but I think I just realised how Vegard has it all the time.”, a smile and then, ”But now when you’re standing a bit too close, in my opinion, I thought you should help me?!”

He laughs hard at them, Magnus trying to explain in his own way with terms that not really are terms - and he learns out things a bit wrong but he decides to not say anything. Not right now at least, thinking that maybe he could go in and help him but then sadly reminded himself of the camera and that that just should be weird… But would he have done it if they were alone? Had he been able to stand that close to him and act normal, or as normal as he seems to be managed in his present. Maybe not… Maybe he just had made Calle even more uncomfortable than he is right now…?

Following their moves in silent, they eventually manage to make the ball move at least 50% longer than Calle had managed before on his own. Calle smiles with his whole face and he looks genuinely happy when he says “Okay, okay, I understand, let me try by myself now!” It goes better for him this time, but not good. Bård looks at them, watches Calle try again and again after the advice he had gotten. He hears some voices behind him, and it sounds like they talk about him.

“Look! It’s Ylvis-Bård! Can’t we go and talk to him?”, a kids voice exclaims excitedly.

“Shhh, don’t talk that loud. It looks like they are filming something, we will disturb them.”, another voice answers.

“But why! He’s my biggest idol and you know that! - Daddy, please can we?”

“No, listen to her and please try to focus on your playing. This isn’t the cheapest hobby and if you want to keep doing this, you have to focus when we’re on the course.”

Bård tries to turn around smoothly so it won’t be too obvious that he's been listening. Pretending to look around and when taking a fast look behind him he recognises two girls. One may be in Sara’s age, around 12, maybe 13? And the other girl, he should guess she is around 8? He keeps listening to them, the little girl begging about going and talk to him but being stopped to not interrupt or disturb. And when the others seem quite busy with other things and not paying any attention to him he thinks he can walk over and have a little chat.

He walks over and says hi to them and smiles. “It sounded like you talked about us.”, he smiles and immediately sees how the younger girl becomes a bit shy and takes a step backwards and blushes.  

“Yeah, but we didn’t want to disturb you, it looked like you were quite busy.”, then she turns towards her sister a bit, “You should say something to him.”, she says but the little girl just giggles nervously.

“That was really nice of you.”, he answers and thinks it’s cute that she’s so thoughtful.

“Anyway, she really loves you and Vegard - like more than anything!”

“That’s nice to hear, and do you think anything about us?”, he says and makes a face.

“Na… she thinks you’re okay…”, the little girl answer with a child’s honesty.

“Can’t say that…!”, she looks at her with a stressed face and then looks back at him, “I really, really think you guys are funny, is just that song that goes on repeat literally 24/7...”

He laughs, says it’s okay to not agree with your siblings all the time and then tells something about when he disagrees with Vegard about what’s funnier than another idea and so on. They hugs and it takes some selfies and he talks to their dad who certifies that about their music being played on repeat in their home.

“Come on kids, we should carry on now, come on and thank him for his time.”, their father says and the girls do that humbly.

The older one smiles at him, a bit apologetic again when she says “Honestly, most of the time, I do really think you two are being brilliant!”

“I’m just impressed that you don’t hate me.”, he says and makes them all laugh. Then he turns back to the rest of the team who didn’t even seem to have noticed he was away for a moment. He looks at Calle and Magnus, laughing, and Magnus is still helping and giving Calle some more tips about how to play. Actually, it’s - if it is anything, it is nothing - he can’t help but feel a bit left outside. Magnus and Calle are bonding, Daniel and Tore are bonding. And that sting again...

They play a few holes more, things go a bit better for Calle now, and just in time when they start getting tired of “working” something happens to the battery to the camera and that becomes the end of that day and they decide to pack their things and head back to the car.


	9. Chapter 9

Bård yarns and reaches after his phone, it shows almost half past four. The plan about being disciplined and work through his to-do-list already the first day or days of the week hadn’t gone as planned. When they were done at the golf course everyone was hungry and someone had suggested they should eat together. Everybody agreed it was a great idea, and he didn’t want to be boring. They had dinner and it had been one or two drinks and after that, he hadn’t felt like going back to the office. Instead, he went home to get some sleep, and he slept very well for once. They had had fun together, the food was wonderful but most important of all; it had worked out well between him and Calle.

What goes around comes around, so now he’s here. He stares at all the papers, receipts, the calculator, his computer. He takes the pencil in his hand and writes down the date for the receipt in his other hand but then he picks up his phone again. 04:23, he yawns again when he sees the numbers. He unlocks his phone and tries to wake himself with Instagram, but not much has happened since the last time he checked. A dog with sunglasses, a cheesy quote, someone who recommends a movie and then the picture of a girl on a beach with the text ”HAPPY B-DAY LOVE!” He puts away the phone and tries to focus.

He manages to focus in ten minutes but gives up when he finds himself being in need of using the calculator to divide 140 by 2. He leans his head against his arms for only a minute, but as always when you think 'just one minute', the next time he wakes up the sun is shining through the windows. He sits up and searches after his phone, 08.13 this time. He looks around in the room, and finds the reason to why he woke up; Vegard stands in the doorway, looking at him with an amused smile.

”For once your in time to work?”, he walks into the room and puts his hand on Bård’s shoulder. ”Got anything done?”

Bård rubs his eyes and points at the papers beside his laptop, ”A quarter left”, he says at the same time and yarns.

”Wow, then you’ve actually worked.”, Vegard says surprised and sits down. ”And you’re in perfect shape and ready for the fishing?”

”Oh right... It was today…”, he raises up and moves over to the couch, ”Wake me up when… later, when something important happens… but I have to have time for a shower…”

\---

”Morning again”, Vegard easily shakes him awake, ”I talked to Magnus, he and Calle are on their way now. And they promised to buy breakfast for you.”

”Uhm, okay… What’s the time...?”

”Nine, exactly.”

He nods and gets up from the sofa and walks to his small closet to find some clean clothes, his toilet bag and a towel. Before he leaves the room, his and Vegard's eyes meet for a second and it's like his glance says 'I know you're tired but don't do anything stupid'.

“Too tired anyway.”, he says and that makes Vegard smile a bit.

“Sometimes I really get the feeling that you can read my mind and that's kinda creepy!”

They smile at each other again, then Bård walks down the corridor to the toilet area. They have three restrooms at their office, and one of them is more like a real bathroom with a shower. He undresses as fast as he can, so he can get as much time in the shower as possible. He showers both longer and in a bit hotter temperature than he knows Vegard would think was necessary. _Time is money, but hot water is expensive too._

He feels like a new person when he eventually turns the water off and gets out. Not tired anymore and so ready for this day. It will be fun, or they three will make it funny! He dresses and walks back up to the kitchen and office area. He meets Magnus in the corridor and they hug each other. “Ready for today?”

“Yep! I heard you should bring me breakfast.”

“Yeah, but I gave that to Calle, so blame him if it's the wrong type of food.”

They walk to the kitchen and Bård sees Calle and Tore talking, so he sits down on a chair beside him and doesn't bother to wait. He interrupts them by calling his name.

“My breakfast?”

Calle turns around and gives him a plastic bag, “You still eat chicken, right?”

Bård looks down and smiles, apple juice and a caesar salad from his favourite lunch place. Breakfast is boring, but it's wonderful if you eat something that's more like a real meal.

“Oh, thanks!”, he gives him a fast hug for some reason before he gets up to grab a glass and a fork.

Bård listens to Calle and Tore talk about the plans for today, but most of all he looks at Calle. His back, shoulders, his hair. Still as fluffy as before but now shorter. Just friendship, but he still dreams about his full attention. So special, so wonderful, so much like Calle. He feels the little butterfly in his stomach again, and it is wonderful but also so uncomfortable.

“Calle”, he says suddenly, it surprises himself. He feels confused, doesn't know why his brain and mouth don’t want to cooperate. Calle looks at him, a questioning smile. “Uhm-”, he tries to find something to say. “How much did it cost? Do you want it back in cash right now?”

“No, no, we're friends! Things like that always turn out to be equal, next time you will buy me lunch.”, a friendly smile before he smirks.

That feeling again - he doesn't know what to do, what to say, how to act and he can’t explain why he gets so nervous right now. Calle has turned towards Tore again and he eats in silent and tries to not look at him, but it’s hard. Of some reason, Calle is always the person who your glance end up at. He’s stuck in his own thoughts until Vegard comes into the kitchen and asks him to sign a paper, and then he asks them about today’s plan.

“You have everything ready?”, he gets a “Yes” from everyone. “I know how this sounds, but I have to ask, you’ll bring extra clothes?”, a look at Bård of course.

“You think I’m going to fall into the water?”, Bård asks a bit offended.

“I’m just asking”, he puts his hands in the air and continues “Knowing you’re normally a bit clumsy and now when you’ve slept only a few hours…” he laughs at him and gets the others to do that as well.

“Are you kidding? Are you trying to force me to bring extra clothes?”, Bård has to shake his head, can’t believe that Vegard really thinks he’s going to fall into the water.

“Kind of - Because I know you.”

Bård just shakes his head even more but after a moment of silent and a new glance from his brother he decides to agree. Vegard is always prepared, seems always to be able to predict the future and the weather. Or in contrast to himself - his brother’s always warm and dry or full and not thirsty - always prepared for everything. “I bring an extra set…”, he says and when he sees Vegard's satisfied smile he adds “Even though I’m not going to need it!”

“Good little Solsikke!”

“Stop say that, told you to never call me that!”, he responds and has to take a hard grip around his brother’s wrist before he starts to pat his head as if he really was five years old. Beside them, Calle laughs and Bård thinks his ears recognise a “You’re cute when you blush like that.”, but he doesn’t know if it was what he really said or if his brain now just won't cooperate with his ears. But it makes him blush even more.

“When do you have to be there?”, Vegard continues.

“We…”, Tore picks up his phone, “have the boats from 14.00.”

“Two?!”, he exclaims. “So why did you wake me up!?”

“Because you told me to?”

Bård stabs a piece of chicken with his fork and sighs, “Okay… I go back to my office and try to get things done.” He brings his food and walks back to his office and closes the door. He takes a look at everything on his desk, writes a date and the price for a wig, but then feels he has got enough of it. Instead, he opens a new tab and starts to search after new instruments he both wants to buy and learn to play. And that’s what he does for some hours until Calle knocks on his door and tells him that the rest of them are going to have lunch together before they get ready to go.

\---

They watch Tore walk towards the little house with the sign "Oslo Fjord" to get the keys and the information they need before they can start this day's activity.

"I refuse to sit in the same boat as Calle, I know he's going to sabotage for me!"

"Would never do, I don’t need to!"

"Not trusting you!"

"Okay, but then… Then I take Bård with me!", he suddenly grabs Bård's arm and drags him until him.

"Ow...", he whimpers low, even though he doesn't really want to admit that it hurt.

"Oh, sorry!", Calle strokes his arm a bit as a compensation before he continues "But you don't want to be in Magnus' boat if he starts to behave like he did the day before yesterday. I promise! Come with me, I won't hurt you - again!", he gives him a big smile.

"Okay...", he first looks at Magnus, and then at Calle - pretends to consider what Calle said, and inside his chest, his heart is beating fast, happy that Calle’s wanting to spend those hours with him. “I do as you want.” _Keep it down, only friendship._

"Then I guess I go with you and sound with Bård and Calle?" They agree and say that that sounds like a great idea, and tell Tore when he is back. Together they move all the stuff to the two boats and they are ready to start. Magnus, who is the person with most knowledge about this gets to choose the direction and the other boat follows. Eventually, he finds a place where he thinks they should be able to catch a fish at.

 

To save time, or more like to lower the odds to get at least one fish, both Tore and Daniel have to fish at the same time as they control their respective areas of responsibility. First thing, before they can start for real, is to make an intro and Bård feels it’s a good idea to stand up when he does that, feeling more like the host than a contestant, but Calle doesn’t seem to think that is the best plan and tells him to sit down.

“No, I can do this, you, however, sit down and be silent!”

Everything goes very well, and he manages to remember both what to say and remain upright - until it comes a small wave that makes the boat wobble a bit and Bård loses his balance. He falls half in Calle’s lap (and gets a “what-did-I-say-glance” from him) and half on the floor and hits his knee. Daniel asks him to make a new try, and sit down this time. He gets what he wants, but Bård still wants to have an intro where he’s standing and Daniel (who also has gotten the role as producer or director) agrees on that, but begs him to hold on to something - happens to be Calle’s shoulder.

Calle watches Magnus choose a technique and then chooses the same: spinning with a red striped fish, but Calle’s bait is yellow instead. Fishing isn’t Bård’s thing, he doesn’t at all know how to think when it comes to anything to increase his chances of catching a fish. He just randomly picks something from the box and it happens to be something that looks like a lime green, small snake or is maybe more like a maggot?

It only takes a few minutes before Bård starts to think it’s boring. He can never understand how Magnus can think this is more entertaining than playing golf. When you play golf, it’s about skills but this is just about waiting and being lucky. He winds up the fishing line and leaves his place to get his phone. Again, Calle wants him to sit down, obviously also thinking he will fall into the water...

“It’s selfie time! Come Tore!”, he says and then “Say cheese!”, he takes a picture and shows it before he posts it. He scrolls his Instagram-feed, then Twitter, even answers some tweets and he is just about to check his Instagram again when Calle thinks he should put away his phone and start to fish again.

He pokes him in the side, “We should fish and keep company and socialise, not stare at our phones.”

“Socialise.”, he says the word slowly and makes quotation marks in the air, “Some minutes ago, it was forbidden to talk to not ‘scare’ the fish away - so how do you want it?”, he asks sceptical but puts his lifesaver in the bag again and switches to jukse-fishing: angling with jigs which means he doesn’t really need to make an effort, just pulling the line up and down.

“I want you to catch a fish so we can pretend it’s mine and I will end up being the winner.”

Bård snorts a bit and shakes his head, “Your bad that you sucked when we played golf.”

\---

Bård isn’t staring into his phone anymore, but he isn’t there anyway. His eyes are almost closed, and the fishing part of his acting is the same as zero. Calle turns his gaze in the other boat's direction, but no fish for Magnus either and that makes him relieved. He really feels he want to be a part of that interview - but then he really has to catch that fish. He must be the first one or get the biggest, or in the best world; a big one and the day's only. Right now it feels like he’s running uphill with the wind against him: Magnus happened to be a natural golf player, and fishing is his element.

He looks at Bård again and thinks he should play a little joke on him. Slowly, slowly he moves closer to him until he can reach the fishing line with his hand. He takes it between his fingers and jerks it one time. A second later watches Bård wake up from his haze and starts to roll up the line, but stops when his eyes end up at Calle. Who has, a bit too early, start to laugh and with that reveal that it was he who did something.

“Hate you, why did you do that?”

“Because it was funny, wasn’t it?”

“No! Tore, want my iPhone, nothing happens anyway.”

“Got mad?”, Calle laughs.

“No! It’s just not funny anymore!”

Calle shakes his head, “You seem so restless and huffy today, is it the lack of sleep?”

“Shut up, I’m not and this is just boring.”

They’re continue fishing or not Bård, but the others do and they do that in silent for maybe half an hour. Suddenly Calle thinks he feels something that could be a fish. He waits to say something, doesn’t want to make a fool of himself saying he has a fish, and then it turns out to be seaweed. He waits almost at the point where he can see something silverish under the water. “I have something!”

“What? NO!?”, Magnus stops in his action and looks over at him, even Bård looks up and puts down his phone.

“What?! Unfair!”

“You’re not even fishing, how can it be unfair?”, Calle looks at Bård, tries to understand his “logic” at the same time as he gets his fish up from the water. It’s a small, small one, but it is a fish, one more than Magnus has caught!

“Puh... it was a tiny one!”, Magnus acts relieved to the camera but Calle smiles when he sees the panic in his eyes.

Magnus keeps bullying his fish for being “the smallest one he ever has seen” and Bård keeps call everything unfair but Calle is happy and shows his little friend proudly to Daniel and the camera. It’s so small that he lets the fish back into the water again, but it’s still 1-0 to Calle. Still, even if it was a tiny fish he couldn't name.

“Bård, do you want a bun, I have skoleboller, seems like we need to raise your blood sugar.”

“Give our grumpy Solsikke a skolebolle!”, Calle looks at Bård and waits for a reaction.

“Stop treat me like a kid!”, he says angrily at the same time as he blushes, and both he and Tore have to laugh at him. Calle happens to think about the morning and when he accidentally said his thoughts out loud about Bård - but fortunately when they sat there, it hadn’t looked like Bård had heard him.

“Calle, do you want one?”

“No thanks, not right now. Have any coffee?”

“Oh...", he's looking through his bag but doesn't seem to find what he's searching for. "Sorry... I forgot that in the car.”

After Bård has eaten his bun, he seems to be a bit happier and he even goes back to fishing instead of playing with his phone. The three small talk about work things but also about private things, family and such. They ask Magnus and Daniel if something is happening around their boat, but nothing there either.

At some point, Calle stands up to get something to eat and Bård seems to think it’s smart to do the same, at the same time. He tells him to sit down, but as before, Bård ignore what he says because he “must” have his phone right now. Even Magnus reacts when he sees them both stand up in the relatively small boat.

“Be careful! It’s a wa-”, but it’s too late. Bård loses his balance and to stabilise himself he pushes and tries to grab in everything around him. One of those things is Calle who's unprepared and he loses his balance too when Bård stumbles into him. The scene should probably, later on, go on repeat in the editor room, and probably in slow motion; When he falls into the water with a splash and a scream. “I told you to be careful…”, Magnus shakes his head with a serious expression that turns into a laughter when they see that Calle is okay.

Bård laughs too, so much that he has to sit down. “Who is the clumsy one now?”

“I, still think it's you Bård...! But stop laughing and help me up instead, it's cold as fuck!”

“Calle, it’s summer, can't be that cold!”, Bård continues, still hasn’t made any effort to help him up.

“But we're in Norway, not in Spain!”

Bård reaches out his arm, but it doesn't help before he has collected and calmed himself down. On his first try, he laughs so much that he had ended up in the water too if Tore hadn’t been there to get a hard grip in his sweater.

Still in the water, he can’t really believe his ears when he hears Magnus ask about what to do now. “I’m still in the water! Guys - the first thing you should do is to get me up!” Eventually, Bård and Tore together help him up and manage to get him down in the boat again. He shivers and shudders with his arms around himself and watches Bård laugh hysterically again.

“And Vegard thought I should fall into the water.”, he gets out between his laughter.

“Bård, you had done that if you hadn't shoved me down instead. Your cocky laughter feels a bit wrong right now.”

When everything has calmed down, even Bård, Magnus asks again what to do. Tore mention they’ve rent the boats for two and a half hour more and suggest someone should go back and get Bård’s extra clothes so they can use the boats the remaining time. Magnus suggests that Calle should come over to the other boat - that seemed to be faster on the way here - so he can change as soon as possible. But coming over in the other boat was a lot harder in practice than it seemed in theory (without risking fall into the water again), so he ends up encouraging them to go and come back as fast as they can.

So then they are alone in a boat - without a camera and in the first minutes it is almost a bit awkward. Bård sits down and looks at him, now with a concerned or unsecured face expression - Calle can't really decide.

“Still want a skolebolle?”, Tore asks and he answers with a yes, please.

“Calle, I think you should take your wet clothes off…”, Bård says after a long silence.

Calle laughs and looks at him and grins, “I see your plan… I make Calle fall into the water so he has to change in front of me.”, he thinks it's funny, but Bård doesn't seem to agree. Instead, he looks at him with irritation in his eyes.

“Just shut up. We said friendship, we both wanted only friendship.”

“Bård-”, Calle tries to read him. ”Still remember, it was only a joke.”

“I'm not stupid, of course, I understood it was a joke, but it wasn't funny!”

Tore looks uncomfortable where he sits between them, looks at Bård and seems to want to say something, but doesn't.

“Okay, sorry. But what do you think, should I sit here naked until they are back?”, he says softly and tries a warm smile and hopes that won't trigger his friend even more.

“Um…” Bård looks at him, then at Tore, looks at him up and down and then down at himself. He unclips the little microphone and gives it to Tore. “If you don't ask-”, he pulls his hoodie over his head, “Don't ask and you can borrow this.” Calle smiles and thanks, he has just heard 'borrow' when he starts to undress the upper part of his body. Bård holds it in his hand when Calle’s eyes get caught by the scars and wounds and he is just about to open his mouth to ask or say something when Bård warningly repeats himself, “I said no questions.”

Calle nods, thanks one more time and enjoys the warm when he has gotten it on. Bård sits down, finds his cell phone and they listen to him talking with (he guesses) Magnus, and Tore reminds him to ask them to even bring the coffee. Calle thinks of Bård’s arms, how could he not? He wonders how he can never have seen it before, until he realises that it’s months, probably even years since he saw Bård wearing only a t-shirt or something that not covers his arms.

When Bård has ended the call and he looks at him with something that most likely is concerned, “I’m sorry… Are you okay?”

“I'm okay, it's a bit cold, but got your hoodie, so it’s okay.”

Bård nods and seems to hesitate, but then raises, tries to wipe away as much water he can on the place beside Calle, but then gives up and sits down anyway. He puts his arm around him and rubs his upper arm to warm him. “I laughed because it looked so funny, but I really did not do it on purpose - even though I see that it looks like that.”

“If you say that I trust you.”, he knows, he hugs him.

“So you’re not mad?”, hopefulness in his eyes.

“Of course not.”

“Guess it should be lovely with a warm shower when you-”, he hides a new yarn, “come home then?”

“No doubt on that. Maybe I even should treat myself with a warm bath.”, they both smile. “And I guess you look forward to going home and go to bed.”

“I wish I could. But it’s still some of these damn receipts left…”

“But do you really have to take that tonight?”

“It feels like I promised him, it was the deal breaker to get along with you. And I kinda want him to be satisfied with me, I don’t know…?”, he shrugs.

“Until tonight?”

“Maybe not tonight-tonight, but I kinda need to compensate for things I missed that Vegard needed to take.”

“I think you should go home and sleep, you need your hours of beauty sleep unless you become like this; Clumsy and grumpy.”

“I'm not!”, it makes Calle laugh, that answer and the tone prove at least the last statement.

“You're not going to be able to work anyway, you barely keep your eyes open now. You're going to fall asleep and wake up with a sore back and inc in your face.”

Bård just nods and leans his head against his shoulder and they sit like that in silent, no one says anything. In the corner of his eye, he sees Tore move around and then he hears the unmistakable sound when you take a photo with your phone and he turns towards him.

“You two…”, Tore just says and shakes his head.

“Feeling left outside, you're welcome beside me?”, Bård replies slowly with a sleepy voice, eyes still closed.

“Thanks, but I'm fine over here.”

Finally, they hear the sound of another motor and Calle feels he wants to greet them with open arms when the other boat comes to lay beside the first one. Bård reaches for the plastic bag with his clothes and with fast movements he drags out a shirt he pulls on as fast as he seems to manage before he gives the bag and a white towel to Calle. Politely the others look away when he gets dressed and then they all sit down and drink coffee. Even Bård thanks yes to a half cup.

It took a bit longer to go back than they had thought and someone asks what they should do now, maybe they should stop for today? No one really feels like continue and when Magnus thinks it's a good idea to go back home - when one is shaking of cold and one other is forcing himself to drink coffee to stay awake - everyone come with their agreements. Calle is actually a bit irritated about the fact that they could just have decided to quit and go home right after he fell into the water, but instead he had had to almost freeze to death... But on the other hand, Bård had been very sweet towards him - but it had still been cold as hell, even though he had said it was okay.

They sit in the car, and for his sake, they have turned up the heat as much as possible, and he has even gotten a warm blanket. A blanket Bård sneaked in under before he fell asleep. He's sleeping with a half-open mouth and with his head leaning against Calle's shoulder. He has to smile when he turns his head to look at him. It's so strange, those roles you get as young, it seems like those will stay forever. He gets why Vegard still treats him like when they were teens.

Calle tries to pick up his phone from his pocket without waking Bård to scroll his Instagram-feed. He's pretty uninterested, can't really see how anyone can care that much about what someone else eats for breakfast or how fast someone has run 5km, (that's why he has chosen to not be a part of that). But he has to smile to one picture, it's the photo Tore took of them in the boat. Bård has his arm around him, and also there his head is leaning against Calle’s shoulder, with the caption 'Working with them is lovely but you become the third wheel in 11 of 10 possible times.' 53 likes and someone has commented “Am I weird who ship them? *heart and laughing smiley*'. Calle doesn’t really understand the meaning but someone else has answered the first person 'Me too!!! And I actually think it looks like they're totally in love. *laughing smiley*'


End file.
